Alia Bhatt and Ranbir Kapoor’s wedding has taken over the news before it has even happened, and nobody is surprised. Increasing fuel prices, economic crises, the new COVID-19 variant, and other seemingly more pressing issues have all taken a backseat in the face of this extravagant celebrity wedding.
And who’s complaining? This is one of the biggest and most awaited weddings Bollywood is going to have, and I am ready to have a replay of everything I went through during other similar weddings, be it Anushka and Virat, Sonam and Anand, or even Deepika and Ranveer.
From the eyes of a fan, any typical Bollywood wedding goes through a few standard stages. They are:
1. Speculation
Most of us start paying attention when Viral Bhayani and Manav Manglani pick up news like this. They are the fact-checkers of Bollywood, and if something is coming from them, you can almost always be certain that it’s the truth. They strive to deliver verified news from the ground; be it Katrina Kaif getting her wedding clothes delivered to her house, or Varun Dhawan’s family going out for wedding shopping– they don’t miss any of it. This is the first stage where the excitement starts building up.
2. Surveillance
You only need the slightest push to dive deep into social media and do your very own investigation into the matter. For me, personally, I try to look for cues on the celeb’s close friends’ social media. There is no person in the world who knows your secrets better than a friend, and I imagine the case is the same for celebrities too.
Are their friends going out for wedding shopping? Are they travelling somewhere on a date close to the wedding? Make sure you ask these questions before you reach a definitive conclusion.
Btw, Alia Bhatt's best friend is Akansha Ranjan Kapoor, so track her Instagram. Thank me later.
3. Confirmation
It’s actually happening! Your search has paid off and you find Rhea Kapoor put stories of what looks like Sonam’s bachelorette party days before the wedding. To verify your claims, you see Viral Bhayani post pictures of guests arriving at the venue two days later and now the whole country knows for sure that this wedding is happening. Give yourself a pat on the back for being the “first one” to know. But did you think that if the wedding is over, your obsession will be too? Think again.
4. Stalking
This is where the real game begins. I remember staying up till late during Anushka and Virat's wedding to see more videos of her bridal entry. I kept checking Mini Mathur and Neha Dhupia’s Instagram waiting for them to share more pictures and videos from the Katrina-Vicky wedding.
What lehenga has the bride worn? Who is performing? Did they have an English AND Hindu ceremony? What songs did they dance to? I don’t need sleep, I need answers.
5. Closure
Finally, the wait is over as the celebs themselves post pictures of their wedding online! These are followed by detailed news reports start pouring in with statements from guests who have attended the wedding. This might be the only time I ever read a news article, but still counts right?
If my stars are lucky, the celebs might put out a wedding video of all the exclusive footage. If not, I might have to go through the horrors of Katrina Kaif slowly uploading one picture at a time of each ceremony, and honestly, I don’t know If I can go through all of that again.
6. Doding Fake News and Giving Well-Informed Opinions
We all wanted to believe that Salman and his sister had a feud going on with Katrina Kaif when she decided not to invite them for her wedding. But honestly, there is a limit to drama too. I might be delusional about the wedding, but this is something even I won't fall for. I take pride in my opinions that are formed only on the basis of verified information.
Time for me to don my Anupama Chopra hat and dish out all my honest thoughts on the wedding. Why shouldn't I do this? I have been equally invested in this wedding from the very first time I heard about it.
I have my two cents on everything: what could they have done better? Sure, they are richer and have a better taste than me by at least 10 folds, but I still believe my inputs are worth a listen.
This is also the same time I go through the hundreds of edits made by fan pages. Remix of songs such as ‘Main Tera’ showing recent videos of the couple’s marriage juxtaposed against footage from when they first met or started dating. Ah! This is exactly the content I need, and fan pages understand me like nobody else.
7. Acceptance
Finally, the wedding is over, all I am left to see is a few pictures of the couple returning back to the city and posing for the paps. It’s most probably a Monday, so life hits even harder and I have nothing to look forward to and opine on until the next celebrity wedding. I might get tons of invitations to go to other weddings, but who even wants to attend those after they’ve had a taste of a real celebrity wedding?
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