Welcome to the big fat Indian wedding season. Trust us, all your A-list directors – Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Karan Johar and Sooraj Barjatya garner inspiration from this magnum opus family event. And why not! It has all the requisite elements of rona-dhona, entertainment, bling, conspiracy, food and a bunch of fun and quirky relatives.
We at The Quint, introduce you to the fun, unique and, at times, annoying characters, who manage to make a wedding much more masaledar.
Shaadi.com Aunties
For them, a wedding is the perfect place to become a desi cupid. Their mission is to look out for single and eligible boys and girls and hook them up in the holy matrimony.
So how do you identify Shaadi.com aunties?
These over-friendly aunties will engage you in sweet conversation. Like a web-shooting Spiderman, they too will shoot a series of questions – from your marital status to your salary account. They won’t stop till they cast the magical spell – Malhotra ji ka ek hi ek beta hai. Jisne MBA kiya hai Amrikaa se.
And that’s your cue turn around and run!
Say Cheese!
Oh yeah! This one is all about herself and her Facebook display picture. Forget candid photographs, it’s time for selfies – the bride and the groom selfie, selfie stick selfie, pout selfie, the getting ready selfie, BFF selfie, getting drunk selfie and the list goes on.
The Showstopper
Make no mistake, we are not talking about the bride, but the next in line. She could be your cousin, a friend or even your neighbour’s daughter. She moves like Jagger and flaunts her sexy back in her deep-cut cholis. The boys adore her, the aunties judge her and the bride envies her – and there’s no way you can ignore her.
The Demanding NRI Relatives
These are your ‘Juicy’ velour tracksuit wearing NRI relatives, who demand decaf and muesli for breakfast and carry their mineral water (their very own Swades moment) while they compare ‘Kanayda’ (read Canada) with India. This calorie conscious lot will avoid ‘Indian food’ but will pack laddoos and mithais when they go back to Kanayda – the mini-India.
Bartender Uncles
We bet every family has one such uncle and all he needs is a glass of scotch and a dhol to get the party started. A perfect host, who makes sure that no one is without a glass (especially not him). He is everyone’s favourite and keeps the drunkenness quotient high.
The Judging Relatives
These guys come to a wedding determined to steer clear of fun and no one can escape their steely judgement. They judge the ‘bartender uncle’ (drinks too much) and the ‘showstopper cousin’ (look how she’s dressed!). They don’t even spare the poor caterer, “What? Only chicken for lunch, no lamb? How cheap!”
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