It’s a year where cows hogged the limelight. The humble animal slowly slipped away from our dinner plates and was instead grilled in various news studios.
The devotees not only sought the blessings of the sacred animal, but used it as a ‘moo-tive’ to take lives. Gau Mata not only just beefed its way to the top to become the Yahoo personality of the year (sorry Sunny Leone, but you’ve got competition), but also became The Quint’s logo for the new year – ‘Happy Moo Year’.
As the year end COW-ntdown begins, to honour our holy cow, we at The Quint decided to hand over the Cow Awards to some of us distinguished Indian folk.
Disclaimer: We’re just on a Moo-od to have some fun!
The COW-RNY Award
Goes too...
None other than Pahlaj Nihalani, the now-so-sanskari CBFC chief.
Now you must be wondering how the man behind the Swachch Cinema Abhiyan can be awarded the corny award. How un-sanskari of us. Sheesh!
Allow us to explain.
Nihalani Kaka, who claims to be a self-proclaimed sanitiser of the film industry was in fact the erstwhile polluter of said industry.
So strong are his sanskari values that he did not spare James Bond’s kissing scene but instead encouraged ‘Made in India’ Sunny Leone to go ‘bananas’ over Mastizaade.
The Deja Moo Award
When you hear Arvind Kejriwal on radio, at dharnas or during an Assembly session what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?
That you’ve heard this B******t before. Right? That, my dear friends, is known as Deja Moo.
It’s going to be a year (Yay! He survived for more than 49 days) for the Delhi Chief Minister but he still hasn’t gone beyond his standard dialogues, ‘Sab mile huye hai ji’ to ‘Main toh Aam Aadmi hoon’, to ‘Sab BJP ke agent hai’ to ‘Hum dharna karenge’.
Sorry bro! But MOO-ve on!
The Abs-COW-nding Award
Lalit Modi is the Dude even when in exile. The king of good times continues to enjoy the esteemed company of his richie rich friends, thus keeping him safe from any investigative agencies in India. And while he’s not filling up pages of his travel blog, he’s busy tweeting and makes the world green with envy with his beautiful ‘absCOWnd-erful’ life.
The COW-urbani Award
Do dost ek pyale mein chai piyenge... Isse dosti badti hai.
When Aamir Khan said this famous dialogue to Salman Khan in Andaz Apna Apna, little did he know that it would hold true even after 21 years.
We all know that both will be seen as wrestlers in Dangal and Sultan. But did you know that Sallu Bhai sacrificed the shooting location of Sultan for Dangal? When Bhai heard that Aamir is upset about the location clash, he immediately shifted the shoot site of his film to Haryana and parts of Mumbai, keeping Punjab exclusively for Aamir.
Bet there were some waterworks after. We all know how teary-eyed Aamir gets these days.
The COWard Award
There were plenty of names doing the round for the coveted COW-ard Award. From Rahul Gandhi to Gajendra Chauhan, from Aamir Khan to Jayalalithaa.
But dil hai ki manta nahi!
And then Arvind Kejriwal, ironically gave this precious award to himself by calling Prime Minister Narendra Modi a COWARD and a psychopath.
How could we have missed reposting such an enlightening and entertaining tweet. Psst! Please do check the spelling of “Psycopath”.
Who are we question the aam adami? We ain’t no BJP agent!
Now we wonder who the real coward is? ’Cuz it doesn’t take a lot of courage to call someone a “psychopath” and a “coward” on Twitter. Does it?
Kejriwal is now a double-awardee. Waah waah.
The Most COW-alified Person Award
The nation’s bahu, Smriti Irani, has degrees under her belt, which even she’s not aware of. In her 2004 election affidavit, Irani had declared that she had a Bachelor of Arts degree from Delhi University (School of Correspondence). In the 2014 elections, however, Irani claimed that she had graduated a Bachelor of Commerce Part-1, from the School of Open Learning (Correspondence) at the University of Delhi in 1994.
Now, these are just a few desi degrees. No big deal! The HRD Minister also has a phoren degree to her list of credentials – and from Yale no less!
Yale lo! From national bahu to national leader.
Fitteh Moo Award
Who doesn’t know Sonam Kapoor? She’s not just the daughter of Anil Kapoor but she’s also known to be suffering from verbal diarrhoea. Sonam is the queen of Face Palm (fitteh Moo) moments.
From getting confused on the date of India’s independence on national television to not knowing the meaning of the word misogynistic. She even gave Aishwarya Rai Bachchan a special nick name – Aunty Ji. Ouch!
Clearly, the girl needs a lesson or two in mind development.
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