Dear Ayushmann Khurrana, Breaking Fashion Stereotypes Is Not ‘Gender-Fluid’

The idea of being gender-fluid is often reduced to its connection to fashion and expression, writes Mx Ria Sharma.

I remember being called ‘bold’ in college for my infamous views, for how I expressed myself, and for how I felt about my identity. Little do people know about the strength that goes behind living a ‘gender-fluid’ life.

Today, I have come to a point where I define, for myself, who I want to be. Over the years, my journey of being an out gender-fluid female has transgressed many paths. When I first came across the term ‘gender-fluid,’ I would often question myself if I was ‘truly’ one.

I would often ask myself – “I don’t come across as a person who experiments with fashion, or breaks stereotypical gender norms. I don’t know how to express myself fluidly. So am I even a gender-fluid person?”

The idea of being gender-fluid is often reduced to its connection to fashion and expression. But let me tell you, this phrase has meant the world to me. It made me feel like I belonged – for the first time.

Breaking Stereotypes Not Gender-Fluid

Therefore, I would rather not negate someone’s experience by saying that they are not gender-fluid, but at the same time ask how they define it. Yes, I am speaking about the supposedly woke actor Ayushmann Khurrana whose photo on a magazine cover has gone viral because he captioned it – ‘Gender Fluid.’

While I do not want to negate how he feels, I want him to know that the phrase holds extreme importance to many people.

What does Khurrana mean by the term when he uses it? Does he mean that he is gender-fluid? I’m accepting of that. Or does he actually mean to say – ‘breaking gender barriers’?

While breaking gender stereotypes is beautiful, gender-fluid is not the phrase for it. There needs to be clarification.

To represent an image of a heterosexual male – wearing kajal and nail polish – calling it GENDER-FLUID, and just letting it be is unfair to people who are on a journey of self-discovery. It is unfair to people who have fought multiple internal battles to come out as gender-fluid.

How My Experiences Have Shaped Me

Let me trace my life’s trajectory for you to help you understand where I come from. My first memory of a gender dysphoric Ria was a little kid pretending to be shaving beard with her Dad, a toy letter T being her instrument. That had become my safe space. That one time that I felt comfortable in my body.

The kid was 12 when she started menstruating. People tell her that she is a woman now – a grown-up one that too, and that they expect her to ‘naturally understand’ what it means. All this when she doesn’t even relate to ‘being a girl.’

As an assigned female at birth, a child’s path has been already written for her – ‘Be a beautiful woman, embrace your femininity, and marry a man.’

While I still come from a lot of privilege, the trauma and fear of not fitting in was always there. Today, I wear makeup and what is considered a typical masculine attire – and I am often discriminated against at public places. I am pushed out of trains, washrooms, and queues. I am asked to prove my identity – loudly and vocally, in public places.

So, maybe my gender is just my expression. It is just my hair, just my body – and with every unpleasant incident, my experiences with dysphoria are triggered, I still feel unheard and invalidated.

I want to reiterate that I speak for myself. This has been my experience with dysphoria and fluidity. It may look completely different for yet another gender-fluid individual.

To say that a gender-fluid person is only this or only that is unfair because it’s not one thing that makes a person woman, a man, a gender-fluid person.

It’s their experience of it, their own personal experience that makes it completely valid. This should not be reduced to, or mocked – even if that is not the intention – by merely breaking gender stereotypes in fashion.

'Superficially Progressive' Representation & How It's Problematic

As a Gen Z who struggles to find representation of my identity, I have to say that, Khurrana's movies have always appeared superficially progressive to me. The lives of LGBTQIA+ community members have usually been reduced to their struggles or hiding our identities.

This is not the representation that I want to see as a queer individual, neither is it the representation that helps. Now, as we see more people breaking fashion barriers, the cover page seems to be just that. It won’t be a stretch that some people may think that being queer is just ‘being in trend.’

Words, images, songs – any form of representation is that little source of hope for queer children. For those of us, who have not grown up with any form of representation, it matters a lot.

I want to clarify that I don’t believe that cisgender heterosexual people embracing their sexuality is a threat to queer individuals and their identities. What we stand for is Pride – the art of loving oneself regardless of the differences that we have within us.

What disturbs me is misinformation or even inadequate information. To use terms and labels which have provided a huge set of people safety and support so casually is ignorant and unfair, and that definitely is an unwelcome intrusion.

LGBTQIA+ revolution had paved the way for the liberation of expression and without that we wouldn’t have reached a point where it was okay for men to wear makeup, or express themselves fluidly. We need to be sensitive to that and be aware of the intricacies of it.

I would love for Ayushmann Khurrana or anybody else (for that matter) to share how they experience their gender in a gender-restrictive society – at the same time, also support people who want to share their own stories.

We should definitely respect those who push the boundaries of expression, and fight to make such binaries invisible. That’s about breaking norms.

But let’s not forget to also respect those who are struggling with dysphoria, navigating through trauma, and being courageously themselves – to just be that little source of light for thousands of youths out there who still feel unheard.

(Mx Ria Sharma (they/them) is an educator. You can tweet to her at @mx_riasharma. This is an opinion piece and the views expressed are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for them.)