True Story: Aamir, Akshay, Karan Get Seriously Roasted by Twinkle

Twinkle Khanna recently launched her book Mrs Funnybones, but the launch event was as funny as her writing!

The world recently discovered Mrs Funnybones, a new talent who’s been tickling our funny bones, with her tweets and her daily column. Twinkle Khanna, the star wife and interior designer, is strongly emerging as a prominent figure who’s on top of her game in the world of satirical writing. So there she was launching her first book, which might just put the AIB Roast to shame by the way, and the event was far from the usually dry book launches. Karan Johar introduced Twinkle and they were later joined by the actress-writer’s close friend Aamir Khan and husband Akshay Kumar.

So here goes the roast!

Round 1: The Karan Johar Roast

The show kicked off with Karan admitting that Twinkle is the only woman he has ever been in love with. And then, Twinkle told us the rest of this story.

Twinkle: We were in boarding school together and he (Karan) was constantly hungry for some reason. So he kept telling me to rob food from the canteen, from everywhere. Finally I got fed up, I said ‘why don’t you run away? Because I can’t rob anymore food for you!’ And we were at the edge of a hill, so I said ‘roll down the hill, take a boat from there and run away.’ So he rolled down the hill, they caught him, they made him climb back, which took him two hours, and then he was made to stand like a fugitive beside the principal in the school assembly.
Kjo: It was the most humiliating experience of my life. And I was all of twelve years old and by the way Aamir, it was the same school where you shot Taare Zameen Par. So when I saw the film I was a mess because I’ve done that same shot! I have sung that Ma song in my head right through those four days in school. And I want to tell you, my father was on top of that slope on that hill where you shot and when he finally came, I ran up into his arms and said “Papa, I beg you I’ll never eat, take me back home” because I was so traumatised, because of her (Twinkle). She has scarred me right through my childhood.
Twinkle: He has confessed that he was in love with me, I had a little moustache at that point and he used to look at it and say, “That’s hot, I like that moustache.”
Kjo: I’ll slap you 377 times Twinkle!

Round 2: Twinkle Khanna Roasted the Roast!

Twinkle aced Karan’s rapid fire round, surprisingly! 

Kjo: So when I tried to get you to do this (chat) on national TV, you refused. Why?
Twinkle: ‘Cause my husband said that you’ll go on Koffee with Karan and the first word you’ll say is penis! And then you will have to go back.
Kjo: He has a problem with the word ‘penis’?
Twinkle: No, but he doesn’t want his wife to go around saying ‘penis penis penis’.
Kjo: What does your husband have that other people don’t?
Twinkle: A few extra inches.....

The audience literally broke out laughing and hooting at the double meaning in that, she cheekily clarified-

Twinkle: In height, vertically, I mean!
Kjo: A person you think deserves her own reality show?
Twinkle: Radhe Maa, I am obsessed!
Kjo: Three things no one knows about your husband Akshay Kumar?
Twinkle: He cries while watching films just like Aamir. He wears checkered pajamas like a British gentleman. On the very rare occasions that he does get drunk, he sings songs like “Mainu Visa Dilade Dubai Da”. I have never heard that song ever!
Kjo: What would you do if you woke up as Ranbir Kapoor?
Twinkle: I wouldn’t speak because the Kat’s got my tongue!
Kjo: ...as Deepika Padukone?
Twinkle: I’ll do everything…It’s My Choice!
Kjo: ...and if you woke up as Narendra Modi?
Twinkle: I would make Akshay Kumar the Sports Minister!
Kjo: What would you do if you woke up as Rahul Gandhi?
Twinkle: I will look for my mummy!

Well clearly, nothing about this launch had anything to do with Twinkle’s book. But who cares? This banter is so fun, just like her writing. 

Round 3: The Aamir Khan Roast

Karan joked about Twinkle and Aamir’s film Mela. He revealed that Twinkle had taken the pledge that if Mela flopped, she would marry Akshay Kumar! Well, isn’t Akshay glad that the film bombed.

Kjo: Aamir you’re very honest about your opinion. Did you think Twinkle was a good actress?
Now that was a tricky one, but Aamir was his diplomatic self. Aamir took a deep breath and said-
Aamir: I think she was fantastic! Well you know all of us have different abilities. No, I really mean that and Twinkle is very talented. You know she is an expert in insulting people (laughs). All through my life, since I’ve known her, she has just constantly insulted me.
At this point Twinkle intervened with an interesting story about finding Aamir in tears, hidden behind a rock.
Twinkle: This is what actually happened, he had gone to the director to explain the shot. The director didn’t listen to him, so he was heartbroken. I was looking for him. There was a massive rock and I found him sitting behind it and crying.
Aamir: Look at what she (Twinkle) is doing man! So now you have a sample of what she constantly does to me!

Round 4: The Akshay Kumar Roast

Twinkle: When I decided to marry Akshay, I made a genetic list of, you know, the diseases that run in his family etc.
Aamir: And I thought I was anal!
Twinkle: I hid it in a drawer and he found it. And he figured why I kept asking him such detailed questions about his family.
Kjo: That’s seriously twisted Tina. But did he pass on all accounts?
Twinkle: I have two children, so yes!
Kjo: And both are beautiful, so well done on genetics then.

Kjo: Tina, now your last thoughts on these two men?
Twinkle: They are lucky they are here, it could have been two more deserving people sitting here, but I couldn’t find anyone else!
Kjo: That’s why I didn’t volunteer. I didn’t want this insult!

Round 5: The Mother-In-Law of All Roasts!

Dimple Kapadia: I have lots to say but I have been asked not to because after all, I am Mrs Funnybones’ mother, so it can get very very bad. But if you all insist then I would love to share it with you. The first time I realized that Tina is witty and would make things up, was when I had gone to their house and they were newly married. I took some Khichra along and after having that, Akshay said “Are bhai soda leke aao, thoda sa kalamari dalke”

At this point Akshay tried his best to stop his mother-in-law from going ahead with the story, but she continued.

Dimple Kapadia: So what did my brilliant daughter do?

Dimple broke into a funny song and dance, imitating Twinkle’s reaction as she had sung-

“Jab paet bigra jaye, hawa udhar hawa idhar se aye, kahe ghabraye kahe ghabraye”

This was the part where Akshay Kumar probably wanted to drown himself! This book launch was really unlike any other I’ve been too! Mad and fun, just like Mrs Funnybones herself.