Once upon a time there lived a stoic Indian bride. Her home was her ghoonghat. Her lot was to suffer. And she lived gratefully ever after with the man who settled with the dowry, that her father sold his farmland for. (That is if she lived long enough at all – gratefully or otherwise).
But over the past month a league of Indian brides has spun this literally done-to-death, hapless narrative on its head. So let’s start the story again ... once upon a time..
It just did not add up ...
12th March. Rasoolabad, Uttar Pradesh. Lovely, the bride, sat coyly at the mandap. It was time for the pheras but Lovely had a small request – could she quiz hubby-to-be, Ram Baran, with a tiny math problem?
“What is 15+6?”
Ram squinted into his fingers and answered , “17?”
Lovely stormed out of the mandap and the marriage.
He didn’t stoop. She conquered
13th March, Ghaziabad, UP. The bride, an MNC executive, stepped on stage to garland her groom. The groom’s family playfully lifted him beyond her reach. Repeatedly. They kept joking that a man must never bow before his wife. The bride’s third attempt was her last straw. She called off the wedding. But not before making the groom’s family cough up the five lakh rupees that her family had spent.
A matter of choice...
18th Feb. Rampur, UP. Another varmala moment. Jugal Kishore reached out to garland his bride, Indira, but collapsed in an epileptic fit. Indira flew into a rage.This is cheating, she screamed. She walked out of the marriage accusing the groom’s family of duping her. Of not disclosing the groom’s medical condition before the marriage. Of robbing her of the right of CHOICE as an equal partner in the relationship.
Indira married another man from among the guests, even before the poor groom could recover. Her family supported her.
Bald Bride #4, and then there are more ...
Then there is Bride #4 who did not even make it to the mandap. She tonsured her head on the day of the wedding, so that the groom-she-did-not-love would dump her (the bald bride). Her plan was to then elope with her lover.
These Indian ‘Bridezilla’ stories may be freak episodes in the general drama of pain – dowry deaths, child marriages and domestic abuse – but they hint at change.
Three of these brides were from Uttar Pradesh, where stats on education, dowry death and health are stacked horribly against women. And yet, these girls stood up for themselves – refusing to marry men less educated than them, scorning the tomfoolery of men who failed to respect them, and putting their foot down to assert the right to choose their partner.
What made these young women do it? Does Bhumi Pednekar’s character in Dum Lagaa Ke Haisha epitomise the answer - Better education, a diminishing concern for samaaj, a strong sense of self, some level of financial independence and surprisingly - family support.
A study shows that that by 2050, Indian women may be too qualified to find men who will marry them - since Indian men prefer to marry women less educated than them.
Clearly, the Indian Bridezillas are not waiting for 2050.
The giggle under the ghoonghat is not stifled any more.
P.S. And here is another runaway bride story sent in by Shylaja Varma, a reader of The Quint.
11th March, Bengaluru: A 20 year-old bride was at her wedding reception at Bangalore’s Shaadi Mahal. It was an arranged marriage and she barely knew her groom. But got a taste of the family she was marrying into when the relatives raised a row over the biryani - they wanted mutton but were served chicken. The feisty bride spoke up over the din and called off the marriage.
Readers, do keep sending in more bridezilla stories that you come across.
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