Sexolve is equal rights activist, Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you.Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.
This week’s Q&As below:
“I feel up my husband’s penis”
Dear RainbowMan,
I got married just a few months ago and have been a virgin till then. I have something really awkward to share. I have the odd habit of feeling up my husband’s penis and his testicles before having sex. I have to manually allow it to go inside my vagina with my hands. I don’t allow my husband to put it inside me anytime. I do it manually all time. Am I weird?
Touchy Woman, India
Dear Touchy Woman,
There is nothing wrong in what you are doing per se. People take time to trust someone with their body. May be, there is still some time that you need to understand that your husband will not harm you? Or did he do it rashly anytime, that you developed this phobia? Is this fear just casual or is it because of some kind of abuse in the past where someone forced himself or herself on you? If that is the case, I would like to tell you that while we need to be protective of our bodies for sure, we should also be wary of letting our bad experiences come in the way of experiencing pure love from someone. Give your heart some time. And your body will follow.
And babes, you are not weird! Many women do what you are doing. Just speak to your partner and explain. Sex talk is the best talk!
Smiles :)
RainbowMan
“I Cum Hella Lot!”
Dear Rainbowman,
I am a 27-year-old bisexual man. I am in a relationship with a man since the past five years. What seemed to be the “spice” in my sex life with him, suddenly is bothering me. When I climax, I cum an ocean. It flows like a running tap and dirties my boyfriends body and clothes. I feel terribly upset that I cause this mess. What do I do to ensure that I don’t cum so much? It is very embarrassing, and moreover I don’t like to waste so much sperm!
Oceanic Voyager, Sion, Mumbai
Dear Oceanic Voyager,
Let me start with the last worry you have. There is nothing like “wasting sperm”. Sperm, like other bodily fluids will find its way out of your body through the urethra when you get loaded. In an average though as much as 6 ML of sperm could be released from the body. And if the interval between your ejaculations are more, then the quantity of sperm expelled could also be more in proportion. Do you masturbate? Do you wish to have sex more often? Maybe the quantity could reduce then? I would suggest that you speak to your partner. Explain to him that you feel guilty about cuming too much. Maybe, speaking to him would be your best therapy. Because that’s how our loved ones are – they understand everything! Also, try using a condom. It is good to get a plastic bag filled than your bedsheet. And more, you could walk to the bathroom when you orgasm so that it becomes easy to wash. If you still think it is an issue, do visit a sexologist. Maybe speaking your heart out to someone in person will help you.
I can tell you, bathroom sex can be the best sex! You guessed it right boy! I am experienced.
Regards,
RainbowMan
P.S. Happy Bisexual Visibility day!
P.P.S. If the sexologist shows any prejudice, do remember to write to me with his name and number. I never deny crooks their right to instant fame.
“My husband farts when we have sex”
Dear Rainbowman,
I am actually embarrassed to write this. I live in a hill station, and have had a lovely sexual relationship with my husband. Unfortunately, there have been some issues that has been bothering me lately. My husband has the issue of flatulence. When we are at it, the room is filled with sounds and aroma that is far from being romantic. I don’t think he even realises that it is bothering me because I have not expressed it. What do I do?
Sugandha, Chinchpokli
Dear Sugandha,
Farts and yawns and bad breaths and body odour are all issues that we tend to not speak about because of embarrassment. Thank you for writing in about something that’s way too personal. You should speak to your husband, not in an insulting or in a way to embarrass him, but to just let him know that he needs to clean his bowels before he comes to sleep. Don’t operate about this from the standpoint of disgust and embarrassment, operate from the point of love and concern. When we say, we need to love the one in their good and bad times… it also means putting up with such moments. I can speak for myself. When I love, I love truly and completely. Maybe, I would not appreciate bad breaths and the sound or smell of the fart, but I would definitely appreciate that it comes as a part and parcel of the person I love. Speak to him, love. Speak to him. Also take the advice of a doctor, if need be. Don’t let it hamper your love story.
Smiles :)
RainbowMan
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