In our country, one is either pushed into preparation for government jobs or a career as a CA. Alankrita* was pushed into both.
While speaking to her over the phone, on a Wednesday afternoon, it was hard to believe that someone who has gone through so much can be so positive and confident of the future. If one listens really closely – her voice, although it quivers a few times, never breaks.
Alankrita, like many others, was made to choose Commerce over Fine Arts in 11th grade; she was then pressured to pursue CA and when she protested, was pushed into doing CS instead.
The promise of stability and employment is often more important than the child’s happiness. Since Alankrita was really young and “raw”, she succumbed and turned her parent’s vision into her forced ambition.
But it was after not being able to clear the last paper of CS and having tried thrice, that Alankrita was pushed way beyond her breaking point. Her parents’ obsession became the reason for her depression.
I haven’t slept peacefully in these five years. Woh kehte hai na, sukoon ki neend – woh nahi mil paya hai (I haven’t been able to get a peaceful night’s sleep.)
She opens up about how taunts still come her way daily.
It was my pen friend, whom I’ve known for 10 years, who helped me through my depression – he listened, he cared and he believed in me.
From Almost Running Away to Taking Charge
For Alankrita, who had always felt alone and was considered a “soft target”, this relationship of mutual respect and understanding healed her psyche; it was also a good support system that blossomed into something more. She was only starting to figure out what it was that she wanted from her life, when her parents decided that a govt job was her true calling.
Soon, she found herself in coaching classes for the same and her life would’ve taken a turn for the worse, if she hadn’t re-ignited her passion for kathak. She started teaching the dance form at the place that she had learnt it, and her parents were definitely not happy with her new career choice.
When asked why she continued to do what her parents had asked of her, she paused for a second before saying,
I did all that my parents wanted me to do and I wasn’t successful kyunki, mera unme dil hi nahi tha (because my heart wasn’t in it). Now I am doing what I want to do, and I know I will be successful in the next 5 years. I did everything that my parents asked of me, taaki woh yeh na bol sake ki tumne woh nahi kiya jo hum chahte the (so that they can’t tell me I haven’t done what they wanted me to do.)
She continued teaching her students, even as her romantic relationship matured; both of them were keen on spending a life together. Alankrita finally felt that her life was coming together. His parents doted on her too and she felt like she had all the support she could ask for. But then, she sat for examinations for various government jobs and couldn’t make the cut. Her in-laws’ support and approval of their relationship quickly vanished into thin air.
Although the boy was still supportive of her, they both mutually decided to part ways and still remain good friends to this day. Naturally, all this took a toll on her and she was badly in need of emotional support.
One day it all got too overwhelming and Alankrita wanted to run away from everything – her family and their frequent jabs and ugly sneers. But she stopped when she was convinced otherwise by the SHEROES helpline and got a channel to express herself and get advice from people behind the screen.
She claims that, “It’s therapeutic to talk to a stranger who listens and understands,” which was why she’d approached this helpline.
She also got to run ideas for her entrepreneurial ventures – and a checklist as to how she could go about them – by SHEROES.
Alankrita now has a plan – she has started a YouTube channel for kathak; she knows that she wants to venture into the food truck industry with her Punjabi best friend and she wants to set up an NGO which combines both her passions.
She has decided to #TakeCharge of her life and maintains that she won’t run away from her parents’ house, but will walk out with her head held high, when she will have accomplished a dream of her own.
Currently, she is learning Spanish and wants to explore career options in Spain which she calls her special love.
There are innumerable Alankritas who’d rather kill their own ambitions than go against their parents’ wishes. We often tend to glorify this, but the truth is, it helps no one.
What stands out about Alankrita is the perseverance and hunger she displayed to find her true calling. The vengeance with which she nurtured her aspiration despite the discouragement from the people she could have drawn strength from, is admirable.
We hope her story helps address a rather stereotypical Indian mentality which values security over personal happiness.
*Name has been changed as per request.
When women stand together, we emerge stronger. Join the world’s largest women only growth network, 1 million and counting. Find support and advice. Connect with champions. Explore solutions that help you #TakeCharge of your life’s narrative. To read more such #TakeCharge stories of Indian women, download the SHEROES app.
(This feature is written by Aadya Dua who finds herself in a love triangle with work and writing, and frequently cheats on both. She runs on caffeine and appreciation. An oddball and a perpetual day-dreamer, she is looking for adventures and urban myths.)
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