Ban everything. Go right ahead. But tell me this before you do - why are the simplest pleasures we indulge in, made to sound like they’re absolutely fatal for our sabhyata? Why are we made to feel like a bunch of toddlers who need to be told what’s good and bad for us?
Especially when our government outdoes itself at not being able to address issues that really matter, term after term? Shouldn’t our ministers be more concerned about the country’s existential crises, rather than worry their pretty heads over what we should eat ‘n drink and who we should kiss? This banning culture deserves a slap, really.
Ironically, the best things in life are the ones that get banned. And here’s why the sarkar should really cut us some slack.
Gai Hamari Mata Hai
India is not home just to cow worshipping Hindus. A large number of us follow other religions, are atheists or just hardcore foodies. Why should our feelings be inconsequential as opposed to the cow worshipping Hindu vote bank? And Maharashtra is exceptionally lousy when it comes to tolerance for meat. Now to show respect to the Jain community, that not only is vegetarian but also abstains from eating onions and garlic, the city has to suffer a four day ‘all meat’ ban, during the festival of Paryushan. That’s absurd! And if it has to be done, why not ban onions and garlic too while you’re at it? How is my right to eat whatever the hell I want, any less than a Jain’s right to abstain?
Peeyo Aur Peene Do
We all know that prohibition is more about black money and bootlegging than it is about alcohol. Gandhi’s name is simply dragged into the debate for its trump card value. When Devendra Fadnavis took over as the Chief Minister of Maharashtra, many were enthused by the possibility of this young guy bringing in a fresh perspective. A more tolerant one for sure. But after reviving the twenty-year-old beef ban legislation, he’s now thinking about banning alcohol altogether.
As it is, every major festival, except Christmas, is already on the list of dry days. And there are quite many of us including ladies of course, who know how to hold their drink. We don’t rape, run over pedestrians, eve tease, beat up our husbands or break public property under the influence. So why should a blanket ban keep us from having a peaceful drink at home on a Sunday?
Bum Bhole Nath
What do we love more than bans? Blanket bans! Weed, in our so called sabhyata not only dates back to Lord Vishnu but is openly enjoyed during Holi every year. Rishis and Maharishis might go without food, but they always have a few chillums rolled up their sleeves. Frankly, all that marijuana does is make our lives a little slower and happier. Much needed. Yet, it is illegal to possess and consume it in India. Even though the law isn’t enforced ferociously, it makes no sense for harmless grass to be illegal, when the effects of alcohol and cigarettes are far far worse. All that this ban really does, is feed into the pressures of the alcohol lobby, that might lose all its money to cheap grass.
Kiss Kiss Ko Pyar Karoon?
Since when is kissing an obscene act? Shagging in public on the other hand is, and guys get away with even that! And why the hell should I be married off to a guy I kiss in public? Could there be anything more regressive than the Hindu Mahasabha’s idiotic diktat on Valentine’s Day this year? Tell me one person who doesn’t feel better after a kiss from a loved one. Lip locking even burns calories, some say. What should really be banned, is pissing in public, not kissing. And please, let bhartiya sabhyata take a break too!
Bas 2 Minute Mein Magic
Nothing transports us Indians back into our childhoods like Maggi does. In fact the slurpy, yummy 2 minute magic is the lifeline of hostel dwellers and bachelors alike. But one fine day, this warm comforting bliss was taken away from us and we’re not sure when it’s coming back. Overnight, the only junk food Indian mums have ever opened up to, was withdrawn from shelves across the country, thanks to a health scare, that just might have been the genius stroke of a nasty competitor. Not to say that lead and MSG are good for you, but neither are fizzies, paan masala and the unhygienic roadside chat you love.
C’mon, live a little and let our vices be. But as unfair as it is, the best things in life are either banned, illegal, expensive or married to someone else.
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