On NRI Day, Here’s How the ‘Pardesis’ Annoy the Hell Out of Us
Dear NRI’s, let us tell you why we find you annoying.
You’ll agree with me when I say this, every time an Indian travels abroad s/he will always take achaars, Haldiram aloo bhujia and the contact details of an Indian already living in that ‘phoren’ land.
Yes, Indians are everywhere and it’s a big relief to know that. Believe it or not, you do feel at home when you meet a desi soul saat samundar paar. We, the emotional Indians are so proud of our Pravasi Bharatiya that January 9 is celebrated as Pravasi Bharatiya Divas – to mark the contribution of the overseas Indian community to the development of India.
Then why do these Non-resident Indians (NRI) turn into ‘Not Really Indian’ when they return to their motherland for a few days?
Today, while we fold our hands and say Atithi Devo Bhava to our Kaneyda (read Canada) returned maasi, let us first list some annoying things that people like Jass aka Jaswinder do when they visit the land of snake charmers.
The Decaf and Muesli Category
They might come from the burger land, but they ensure that they are served their decaf and Muesli when back home in Lajpat Nagar. When served hot gobi ke paranthe with fresh white butter, they start making the Kirsten Stewart-like expressions from the Twilight series. Remember those?
Our ‘not really Indians’ consider parantha unhealthier than pasta loaded with cheese.
Horn ‘Not’ Ok Please!
Honking is a part of our driving etiquette.
We all know that, even the expats. Then why does the sound of horns make our dear NRIs palpitate with horror? You my friend, might be enjoying the horn-free drive in Timbuktu, but have you forgotten the narrow lanes of Karol Bagh, Marine Lines or Faridabad, where you picked up your Schumacher skills?
What was once music to your ears is now a nuisance? Bewafa!
Uff, Uff Mirchi!
‘Bhaiya, gol gappe mein theekhi chutney zyaada!’
‘Bhaiya mirchi ke pakode milenge?’
Yes, we Indians love our spicy food. We’ll huff, puff, pant, sweat and gobble down litres of water with each bite, but we won’t drop that green chilli till it rips-off the lining of our stomach.
It’s not, however, the spices that bring as many tears to our eyes, as our ‘phoren’-returned bhuaa saying that she prefers boiled veggies and salad without spices.
The Priyanka Chopra Accent Brigade
Indians are highly adaptable species. We can adapt to any condition, surroundings and accents. It’s amazing to see how the desi tongues start twisting and twirling in videsi ways. Ahem! Piggy Chops, you are free to raise your voice, if we are wrong.
It’s not saying we don’t like accents, we do, but conditions apply. When you come back to your desh, please leave the damn accent behind. We hear enough variants of Indian accents while travelling, shopping, at restaurants and pubs and a farzi accent has no place in this country.
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