A Love Letter to Kejriwal, From a Smoked Out, Asthmatic Delhiwalla
It’s been a while since we Delhizens heard you cough...
It’s been a while since we Delhizens heard you cough...(Photo: Harsh Sahani/The Quint)

A Love Letter to Kejriwal, From a Smoked Out, Asthmatic Delhiwalla

To,
Urbummed Kejriball,
The Chief Protestor of Delhi,
Capital of the Polluted World, Delhi

Subject: AAP – Aam Aadmi Pollution

Dear Urbummed Kejriball,

Seasonal Greetings!

May your muffler always have people hanging on to both its ends.

It's been a while since we Delhizens heard you cough, we hope you and what's left of your gang are happy in your self-created world. In any case, whenever there is a crisis in Delhi, you and your friends tend to go into airplane mode.

Getting straight to the point, as you might have or might not have heard, the quality of air in Delhi has become worse than a politician’s conscience. FYI, that’s supposed to be worse than the stuff that sticks onto the seat in a public toilet. All the humans in the city of Delhi, who elected you in the hope of a better life, are breathing poisonous fumes instead of clean air and their lungs now likely bear a striking resemblance to smoked cigarette filters.

As you might have or might not have heard, the quality of air in Delhi has become worse than a politician’s conscience.
As you might have or might not have heard, the quality of air in Delhi has become worse than a politician’s conscience.
(Gif Courtesy: tenor.com)

While we know that it requires superhuman effort to shame a politician, what is ironic is that instead of the politicians hiding their faces, it is the citizens of Delhi who are shuffling around with their faces hidden behind air masks.

We are also aware that you politicians are blessed with skins thicker than crocodiles, but how does that entitle you to play ludo with our lives?

Do you think that the odd-even car circus you resort to every time someone mentions air pollution helps anyone? Or do you think that shutting down schools will have a beneficial effect on the health of students? Maybe you think that the polluted smog hasn't passed out of school and doesn't enter colleges, offices and public spaces? Or maybe, in your enlightened wisdom, you think that breathing is only a schooltime activity?

Do you think that the odd-even car circus that you resort to every time someone mentions air pollution helps anyone? 
Do you think that the odd-even car circus that you resort to every time someone mentions air pollution helps anyone? 

Dear Urbinned Kejriball, please understand that you are not the sole culprit for Delhi’s current similarity to a royal hookah. Your political ancestors share that blame equally. One of them, a lady with the temperament of Mary Antoinette, manufactured an abomination called the BRT and created serpentine traffic jams in the name of reducing vehicular pollution.

Then there was another bloke in charge of the welfare of Delhi who decided that concrete was better than trees and sold off large tracts of the Delhi ridge to malls and hotels.

The CMs of Delhi have always been a talented lot.
The CMs of Delhi have always been a talented lot.
(Gif Courtesy: tenor.com)

The CMs of Delhi have always been a talented lot. They have always engineered elaborate charades and you too have shouldered that legacy honourably. Just to set the record straight, vehicular pollution accounts for only 7% of the air pollution in Delhi. The culpability for the remaining 93% of air pollution rests with coal-guzzling power plants, factories and mainly, construction sites.

And if there is any clean air left, the farmers of Haryana and Punjab banish it by burning their crop stubble.

But all these reasons not withstanding, whenever there is talk of air pollution, you and your cronies start singing your ballad of odd and even cars.

We understand that your imagination is fertilised regularly, but please understand that if you keep fretting over and addressing only 7% of air pollutants while turning a blind eye to the other 93% of pollutants, you will never be able to control pollution in Delhi and we Delhiwallas will continue to be unwilling martyrs to your misguided enthusiasm.

(Gif Courtesy: Make A Gif)

We have a lot to say to you but thankfully for you, your stature has reached its file size limit. In case your leathery conscience permits you to think about the people who voted you to power, please act promptly against the power plants, factories and the construction in Delhi which cause pollution or, heaven forbid, if the fire beneath the smoke finds you, you will definitely become a double-ended dragon.

(Breathe In, Breathe Out: Are you finding it tough to breathe polluted air? Join hands with FIT to find #PollutionKaSolution. Send in your suggestions to fit@thequint.com or WhatsApp @ +919999008335)

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