Sexolve 4: RainbowMan Answers Your Questions
Harish Iyer answers your questions on love, sex and relationships
Sexolve is equal rights activist, Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint. It is also a part The Quint’s #MakeOutInIndia campaign, which is an effort to bring all taboo topics on sexuality out there – no beeping out, no brushing under, no cliches of the “land of Kama Sutra and Khajuraho”. Just an open celebration of all matters of sex.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you.
Drop in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As below:
I am a post graduate student. I am in love with my professor. Everytime she walks into the class, I cannot take my eyes off her. She must be just around 5-6 years older than me. Is it natural for me to fall in love with my teacher? Isn’t it wrong? Should I proceed further?
- Deewana, Nagpur
What has age got to do with love? And what has her profession got to do with it either?Pyaar umr nahi dekhta, pyaar dil dekhta hai. Yes, I know people will tell you that teacher-student relationships are relationships between a human and god and all such things, but personally, I don’t see anything wrong between any student falling in love with any teacher. I have loved some of my teachers in school, I may have not wanted to marry them, but still loved them. It is normal.
Yes, one needs to respect the sanctity of the relationship that you guys share – of a student and teacher. But it doesn’t mean that you will be teacher and student forever. You will get your degree, get a job, and you can come back to her and tell her how you feel. It could be risky to tell her right now how you feel, as she could also mistake you to be border-line creepy and of course, there definitely is the risk of being thrown out of college. But having said that, I also acknowledge that I am not privy to the relationship you share with her. I’d say, take baby steps. Not every teacher is Sushmita Sen, not all students are Shah Rukh Khan. And not all principals are like, Farah Khan. If you know what I mean?
I know this is personal, but I am curious, I hope you will not mind me asking you this. I have always been curious about the sexuality thing. Between men. When two men fall in love. I mean, when two men have the ‘thing’. Who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship?
- Mister Curious
Hey Mister Curious,
At the outset, let me assure you that I am not offended. I would rather appreciate people who choose to ask me. What I do not appreciate is people who choose to form full blown opinions basis half baked material that they have read or seen or heard somewhere in some funny website. When two men fall in love or have sex, it is just that – two men falling in love or two men having sex. They don’t really need to be ‘Man and Woman’ in the relationship. They can continue to be two men in a relationship. Just that.
Regarding sex, not all gay people in the world have penetrative sex. And when they do, some are Bottom (the receiving partner in anal sex) and some are Top (the giving partner in anal sex) and some are versatile (they prefer both roles) and some do not believe in all these defined roles.
P.S. You made me think. Let’s say, I am just sapio-vegan-homo-sexual. I get attracted to men (transmen, bimen, men men, many men) who are intelligent and vegan/vegetarian.
My son is turning 10 next month. He told me that he is getting pus from his privates. I think it is sperm. How do I speak to him about it.
- Mummy Dearest, Chennai
If you had a girl, wouldn’t you have had an open conversation about her periods? Why should it be any different for a boy? And what is ‘privates’? The word is penis. There should be no shame in calling a penis a penis, like we have no shame in calling an eye an eye. Speak to him, openly. Though seldom they are, the truth is that parents can be the best counsellors. They are the immediate care-givers for the child. Children, when they come of age, go through a tumultuous time in understanding what is going on with their bodies. The little beard, the urge to shave, the pubic hair, the sexual dreams – it is a tough job to balance all of these with studies and play. We need to respect this.
Hold-no-bars conversations between parents and children is the best way to help the child pass through this biological phase of his life without a whimper. It is a good time to speak to him about sex, sexuality and gender. Just ensure that you don’t come across as nosey, but just as a cool and friendly mom to him. Here is a website that I found very useful. http://www.letstalkaboutsex.in/
P.S. Begin with the right names to the body parts.
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