How to Ace Small Talk (Yes, You Can Talk About the Weather)

All you ever needed to know about small talk – in six simple steps.

Small talk has earned itself a bad reputation. You want to be friendly and courteous but sometimes you just can’t think of anything to say! And when do you know when it’s okay to just smile and walk off?

Sure, it has something to do with our individual personalities – but sometimes you just don’t want to know what the colour of your colleague’s daughter’s shoelaces are or what your distant cousin thinks of GoT. (You’re not going to watch it, can he please stop convincing you otherwise).

But consider this – when you ask a business client what kind of movies they enjoy, you’re not exactly looking to create a joint Book My Show account. Their answer simply helps you to understand the client’s interests and form a relationship that will benefit you. In business parlance? This is a door opener to many, many fruitful interactions.

And before you scoff, think of this – we are here only because of our need to make connections.

Maybe these tips will help you sail through an uncomfortable social situation:

1. Start With Being Relevant

What is common to both of you at the moment? Are you both carrying the same bag, wearing a t-shirt of the same band? Or belong to a common educational institution – maybe have a mutual friend? Start there. It seems natural to bring it up, and it won’t be difficult for either person since they’ll possess a prior knowledge of the topic. Current affairs may also be a good idea.

2. Compliment

Not in an insincere or forced way, but if you genuinely like the scarf they’re wearing or their haircut, there’s no foul in voicing that aloud. It’s always nice to be appreciated and we are genetically wired to favour those who compliment us. A compliment can turn into a comfortable conversation since the awkward beginning is already dealt with.

3. Just be Nice

One of the reasons small talk can be so taxing is because it puts pressure on us to convey our brilliance. We don’t like feeling foolish; we want to walk away from a conversation feeling like we’ve succeeded in charming their pants off. But that’s not always necessary. Start nice: a smile, some polite conversation. Being thought as nice is waaaay underrated.

4. One Thing Leads to Another

Chances are that the people you are having great conversations with right now are also the ones you once had small talks with. If another person feels comfortable sharing small details with you, a sense of intimacy is formed and that allows both of you to delve into a more meaningful conversation. But those meaningful conversations won’t just happen – you need to open yourself to it while at the same time communicate those feelings of trust and empathy. But, nonetheless, it will always start small, so don’t worry about talking about the weather. It works.

5. Ask Open Ended Questions

Questions which can’t be answered in one word allow the speaker to give you more knowledge about themselves. “What are you doing these days?” “What did you think about that movie”, etc. Everyone likes to be asked about their lives, their opinions. It makes them feel valued.

6. Don’t Try to Dominate the Conversation

This is not to say that you can’t talk about something which excites you, but chances are that once you start talking about it you may not stop. Avoid waxing eloquent and instead try to pick up on the conversational hints they’re dropping.

Do you have any other interesting ideas or opinions about small talk?

(Prachi Jain is a psychologist, trainer, optimist, reader and lover of Red Velvets.)