We joke about how our parents hit us – the occasional slap, the casual whack on the head, books being thrown, the wooden scale slapped on the wrist. It was meant to shape us, help build our character.
Remember Peter Russell, the Indo-Canadian comedian cracking people up with, “Somebody’s gonna get hurt real bad!”?
But memories are tricky. Hindsight is great. Reality is different.
When a video of a little girl, no more than 3-years-old, went viral, it invited strong reactions. The girl, who was crying while reciting ‘1,2,3,4,5’ repeatedly, broke hearts. Cricketers expressed horror and more people followed suit.
The following are stories of those who suffered physical abuse as children. And it shaped their characters – just now how their parents anticipated.
“Got Hit by Father's Belt Double Folded, Once, Twice, Thrice...”
(The following story was first published as a reply to a Quora thread on ‘What’s the most messed up thing your parents did’?)
Going anonymous for obvious reasons.
Age 5– Being a left-handed person always felt like a super power. Mother broke two wooden scales hitting my left hand and turned me into a right-handed person. I still use my left hand unknowingly. Old habits die hard.
Age 10– Got hit by father’s belt double folded, Once, Twice, Thrice.. until my skin would peel out and bulge up just because I didn’t score good marks they wanted.
I remember falling at their feet and joining hands for them to stop.
I remember wearing a sweater to school, to avoid the questions asked by my friends. To keep the good impression which my mother had created on them.
Age 12- Got caught bunking my tuition classes. Got locked in the same room for more than 3 days. The only time the room would be opened to give me food.
Age 15- My mother caught me and my boyfriend holding hands. That night I wouldn’t forget in my entire life. My parents beat me up red and blue with belt, with sandal, with kitchen items, with everything that came in their hand. Broke my phone. They threatened to stop my education and get me married. I was barely 15.
I remember my head being banged to the wall straight. I couldn’t believe it was the same dad who would caress my hair when I was small. That big bulge on my head pained. There was blood all over the room. (I had my periods that day).
The next morning, I remember my mother making me wash utensils and telling me ‘now on you will be our servant’. Well! servants were treated better. She spat on my face.
“My Father Would Beat Me, But My Mother Would Do Worse”
(This story first appeared in an article on child abuse on Youth Ki Awaaz)
My mother often tells me how my father lied to her family to lure them into marriage. It would often lead to rows between my parents, and it is still hard to believe which version of the story is true. It would be, at times like these, when I would find my father drunk and on the verge of losing all control.
When everything wouldn’t go right, he (his businessman father) would look at other happy people, and feel miserable about himself. And, of course, get drunk again.
On occasions like these, he would get extremely drunk and beat up my mother in front of me. My mother would always fight back, and sometimes, I would be the subject of their fights.
My father would beat me, but my mother would do worse. She would ask my father to take me away from her because I was his child. I felt like there was no place I could go to.
I have always been taught to believe that the image of my family that goes out in the society is the most important. I still cannot deviate from that. I couldn’t share such private matters even with a friend with the fear of them babbling out, let alone the police.
“I still live in fear of disappointing him, which is almost worse than getting physically punished”
(The following story was first published as a reply to a Reddit thread on 'Did your parents ever beat you and how did it influence who you are now?’)
I am a 22M American of Indian descent born and raised in America. I am currently in my first year of medical school, and I have graduated from a prestigious school with a Bachelor in engineering. By certain measures, I can be considered a success. However, as I was talking to my Dad today, he mentioned that if we did not have "confrontations" in the past, I might have not achieved the same success. I found myself agreeing with him.
From as early as I can recall, me and my brother were beaten up by him. Not spanked, not swatted, but beaten up, with open hands, on the face, back, arms, and anywhere within reach. We were beaten when we disobeyed our parents or talked back to them and we were beaten when we didn't perform well in school (<A) or became lazy (i.e. playing video games, watching TV, etc.). We were not beaten without a "reason", and it was the main tool of punishment in our household. Let me say that I LOVE my Dad, and I respect him, his attitude, and his hard work very much, but growing up, I was always afraid of f******up. That fear always pushed me to do better so that I did not disappoint him and suffer the consequences.
I last recall being beaten up when I was 16. Now I won't get the same punishment since I am an adult, but I still live in fear of disappointing him, which is almost worse than getting physically punished. Me and my Dad are better friends now, and there is mutual respect. However, he still expects much of me, and nothing I do is enough, which is fine, because it continually pushes me to do better than I think I can do. But without those beatings, growing up, keeping me in line, I wonder if I would have strayed off the path to the kind of success he set for me.
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