“What were you wearing?”
It is the inevitable question which is asked when a a survivor of sexual assault recounts his or her experience. While confiding in family or friends, filing a police complaint or testifying in court, clothing becomes an essential part of the narrative. In most cases of assault, how you were dressed decides whether you were ‘asking for it’.
The Quint in collaboration with ‘How Revealing’, a website aimed at providing a safe space for sharing sexual assault stories, is trying to help survivors to speak out anonymously. To try and understand what stops survivors of sexual abuse from reporting or sharing their experience, here are some narratives.
(Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault)
‘I Was Small at That Time So I Thought It Was His Finger’
I was in 5th class and my third cousin visited us... it was just me, my mother and him. He was about 20-22 in age... it was summer so we had the air conditioner on and rather than sleeping in different rooms, we slept on a single bed... at night at about 2:00 am I felt somebody’s finger in my skirt near my private parts and I was shocked because it was him who was lying beside me. (sic)Anonymous
What I was wearing: “I was wearing a top and a skirt when the incident happened.”
Why didn't I report: “Because I was too small to understand the nature of the incident.”
‘But It Took Me 3 Seconds to Realize He Was Speeding’
This one afternoon I was walking home, as always after dropping my friend off. I made a turn into a side lane. An auto rickshaw entered the same lane, nothing unusual. But it took me 3 seconds to realise he was speeding, and wanted to get out of his way, so I moved to the extreme right of the street. This man had different intentions. He slowed down just next to me, put his hand up my skirt, gave my butt a very tight squeeze, smacked it hard, and sped off before I could come to my senses and could make a note of the auto number.Anonymous
Why didn't I report: “Would make my family anxious.”
What I was wearing: “I was wearing school uniform when the incident happened.”
‘I Complained to HR the Next Day Who Said They Couldn't Do Anything’
I worked in a reputed company in Bangalore for about a year. I’d take the company bus back home. This bus is exclusive to the employees. After a particularly tiring day at work, I sat by the window. There was a male employee who sat next to me. Nothing abnormal, it was all good. At some point, I had dozed off and woke up suddenly when it felt like somebody was touching my chest. I looked around to see the bus almost empty, but that man was still seated next to me.Anonymous
What I was wearing: I was wearing a sleeveless kurta when the incident happened
‘I Was Wondering, Am I Overreacting?’
A few days passed by without any such instances, and then came the big one. This man didn’t leave the meeting room after a team meeting and asked me to show my work. He got his chair closer to mine and literally so close, that I was stuck to the wall, on one side of the room and next to me was him, with the rest of the room vacant. While I was trying to keep myself composed and show the work he asked for, he gradually started rubbing his knee to mine, and in a fraction of a second, the back of his hand touched my chest.Anonymous
Why didn't I report: Experienced employee, HR history of evidence requirement
What I was wearing: I was wearing business casual when the incident happened.
‘He Said Its Normal and Everything Will Be Fine'
We used to play hide and seek along with my 3-year-old brother and 13-year-old cousin sister. Somehow when my cousin sister was seeking, he used to take me to our store room and would ask my little brother to hide in another room. He used to open my pants and touch his penis on my body.Anonymous
Why didn't I report: Firstly I was too small to realise that. Secondly, I always felt guilty because of that and thought that might ruin our family relationship.
What I was wearing: I was wearing a night suit when the incident happened.
If you have experienced sexual assault, you can choose to share your experience with How Revealing here, either anonymously or otherwise below. If you have any ideas about why sexual assault isn’t reported, please reach out to us on Twitter or comment below.
(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)