Culturally we are always fed how someone else is going to complete our lives.
All our folklores or popular stories talk about that ONE moment when a prince in shining armour will come and save us. That story of boy meets girl has been told from time anon. Hindi cinema gave us Raj, who finally rescued Simran... and the story continued.
And ironically we all bought into it.
The greatest lie we are fed begins when we are born – that girls belong to someplace else. That is the biggest cultural myth. The truth is, you complete yourself. Others just add to you.
As Oprah Winfrey once very wisely said, “Relationships are complimentary, not supplementary.” You can’t walk in this world with a begging bowl, for someone to fill/complete you. Alms are for begging bowls not partnerships. Partnership comes from a place of equality; and you become a partner when you know you are whole. Imperfect but whole.
Asking Yourself if You’re Lonely or in Love
I too bought into this idea. The idea that someone would complete me. Like many others, I went through my euphoria and upheavals. I too laughed and cried. Then, on my 30th birthday, I just said to myself – what if I don’t look for the other half? What if I accept me as I am? What if I am already what I need to be?
I consciously stopped looking. I looked within.
That is the day magic unfolded.
Most of us (including me) get so engrossed in “being in the relationship” that we forget who’s “in the relationship”. What do we want from who we are? Am I okay with who I am? Can I spend time with myself? These are the questions being single brings to the surface. Questions we don’t like to address.
Most of the time, we don’t even know whether we’re in a relationship because we’re lonely or in love. We become so scared of being single we take whatever comes our way. You know what that does? When you stay in places that don’t actually deserve you, you begin to believe that you do not deserve better. It is an easy way for sure but at the end of the day the penalties are very high; often, you become like the people you choose to be close with.
When you know to spend time with yourself and be happy with the woman you are, you can choose whom you give your time and attention to. That is when you get to decide what works for you and what does not. That is when you know which person is toxic for you and who is healthy. I have seen so many women staying with toxic people just for the sake of having someone. That always drains a lot out of a person.
When you are single, you get a chance to discover who you are and what your boundaries are. No, not everyone deserves to enter your Queendom, because you have nurtured your garden. That is the art of being precious. That is when you are not being taken advantage of. That is when you know, that you are your first priority.
The moment you embrace yourself, the magic begins.
Suddenly the world outside changes. You will see that so many people get drawn to you. Know why? The relationship that you share with the world is the reflection of the one you have with yourself. Singledom gives you the time and space to build a lifelong affair with yourself; which will be the most important relationship ever.
The Gift of Being a Single Woman
The next time you’re unhappy in any relationship, ask yourself what it is telling you. Why are you so angry at yourself that you’re putting yourself in a compromising position? You think your partner does not respect you or care about you enough. But shouldn’t the question be, do you respect and care about yourself enough? Once you’ve answered that question, half the battle is done.
If you are single, bless yourself – you have the time, energy and resources to build the life you always wanted without compromising on who you are. Nothing is more attractive to the world than a woman who loves and respects herself. And that is the right time to choose the partner you want to be with or the people whom you want to share your energy with.
That is the gift of being a single woman. One that I didn’t know for the longest time that I had. I do know this though: that nothing ever enriched me as much as being single did.
(Learner. Writer. Dreamer.)
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