“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” the sentiment echoed here is intensely powerful, but unfortunately, words have the power to hurt and break people. Words matter; and they matter especially when it comes to mental health & wellbeing.
“My birth is my fatal accident.” Rohith Vemula’s words, in his missive to the society, still haunt many of us, and it continues to echo with many students.
On the fourth death anniversary of Rohith Vemula, I want to draw forward my apprehensions regarding the terminology that is used ordinarily to talk about it: ‘committed suicide.’ The phrase has been normalized in our conversations, institutional settings, public discourses, so much so that the connotations hidden in the expression have escaped our collective scrutiny.
Blame, Aggression and Stigma
It seems rather simple at first, but it is actually a language of blame, aggression, stigma – also confining the act of suicide within the realm of cowardice. Matt Haig in his book Notes on a Nervous Planet talks about our uneasiness in discussions about suicide and our need to normalize these discussions surrounding suicide.
In particular, though, his focus is on the verb we use when we do choose to talk about suicide: commit. It is a word that carries connotations of taboo and criminality, and this is an echo of the days when it began to be considered a criminal act, in the nineteenth century.
I would like to invite you to ponder over the sentence: People ‘commit suicide.’ In common English usage, there’s no other verb that associates with it so ‘naturally.’ For right or wrong, it’s a powerful word-pairing.
And yet the phrase ‘commit suicide’ can cause outright offence to a lot of people. It reinforces the perception (and a historical understanding) that suicide is a crime, placing it within a legal context, rather than the moral anguish and the manifestation of extreme mental distress and unbearable pain that underlies the act itself in many contexts.
Yes, one can’t associate these meanings universally, but I merely want to attempt and alter the directions of the narrative, so that we can begin to discuss the terminology earnestly.
The Reasons for Association With Criminality
The Indian government decriminalised suicide in May 2018.
"Notwithstanding anything contained in Section 309 of the Indian Penal Code, any person who attempts to commit suicide shall be presumed, unless proved otherwise, to have severe stress and shall not be tried and punished under the said Code," read the Act.
It is ironical to see that even though suicide has been decriminalised by the Supreme Court, the phrase from the Act ‘…any person who attempts to commit suicide shall be presumed...,’ still shows shades of criminality. It is noteworthy that we don’t say ‘committed a heart attack’ but instead say ‘committed a robbery’ (a criminal connotation).
Perhaps, one of the reasons we tend to associate criminal notions with suicides is because it compels us to question the value and nature of life as organized by the society and state; we don’t want to prick that bubble.
Many times, the word ‘suicide’ revolves around the alienation of an individual wherein he/she is rejected by society for more reasons than one. In all likelihood, the person may be saying ‘your society is not worth living.’
Rohith spoke volumes through a five-page suicide note — “The value of a man was reduced to his immediate identity and nearest possibility. To a vote. To a number. To a thing.”
“Never was a man treated as a mind. As a glorious thing made up of stardust. In every field, in studies, in streets, in politics, and in dying and living…know that I am happy dead than being alive.”
Language Has Power to Shape Ideas and Feelings
In 2018, 150 high profile individuals, including former Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls, MP Caroline Lucas, presenters Dermot O’Leary, Zoe Ball and Stephen Fry, and suicide prevention campaigners Jonny Benjamin and Poorna Bell wrote an open letter on World Suicide Prevention Day.
The letter read, “This form of words can imply that to take one’s own life is a selfish, cowardly, criminal or irreligious act, rather than the manifestation of extreme mental distress and unbearable pain. It also adds to the stigma and feelings of shame that prevents people from reaching out for help.”
The language we choose is an indicator of how society functions and has the power to shape our ideas and feelings in insidious ways.
Therefore, not using the word ‘suicide’ and instead using phrases such as ‘they killed themselves’, ‘he/she passed away’ also detaches us from the sentiments and isolation that the person may have faced.
Using the word ‘suicide’ makes us feel connected to the person thus giving us an image of how unfair, harsh and insensitive society and its structures are.
In order to create an environment that is amicable to nuanced discussions about suicide and what it might entail, the language associated with suicide must, therefore, be softened in order to make it a little less difficult for people to seek a therapist, a friend, a confidant or even their own parents.
Here’s a list of plausible phrases that we may use to normalise the notions around suicide:
Say Suicide Instead of Completed suicide
Say Died of suicide or lost his/her life to suicide Instead of Committed suicide
Say Suicide death or death by suicide Instead of Successful attempt
Say Suicide attempt or failed suicide Instead of Unsuccessful attempt
Say Working with suicidal crisis/issues Instead of Dealing with suicidal crisis/issues
It is important to realise that there is no blame in suicide, only sadness and loss. You control the words you use but only if you make a conscious decision to do so.
Therefore, A term like ‘commit’ should be expunged completely when we are talking about suicide. Dropping this phrase as part of a tiny effort can work wonders.
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