Sexolve 263: 'My Online Boyfriend Is Getting Intimate'
(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)
Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop-in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As are below:
'My Online Boyfriend Is Getting Intimate'
I am an average 28-year-old man from New Jersey. I have been pursued by this one guy online who is seemingly, madly, deeply in love with me. I don’t know why he would fall in love with me in the first place.
At first, I thought this could be just harmless flirtation, however, his calls became frequent and I have started falling for him. Ever since I fell in love with him, he has been speaking about getting naughty in the night. And the truth is that I also want to get naughty. Eventually, I think I will give in and shared pictures. I did send him some pictures though not explicit.
Post that he has been speaking about our great gay wedding, the honeymoon and other things. However, in our conversations, he has mentioned other men and women. He gets attracted to people. He tells me about the fantasies that he has with them. When he saw me smirking one day, he told me to not be worried.
I like this man. However, I am not the ones who wants to do a fling and then run away. I want something to sustain. I don’t want to be played on. I wonder what I could do to ensure that it doesn’t happen. Is this man just flirting with me, is he in love with me or is he a horrible pervert? Could you please help me understand?
Dear Jersey Boy,
Thank you for writing in. And congratulations for finding someone for whom your heart beats fast for. And thank you for treading with caution.
Love can be stupid, it shouldn’t be careless.
I am in no point going to judge or assume the character of this man you are in love with. However, the internet is a blackhole. Pictures get morphed, they end up in dating sites, and they also end up being misused in multiple other ways. One ought to be careful about sharing images.
I believe love can happen with anyone at any moment. Love does sometimes win over the pain of distance and time.
But having said that, I do believe that one needs to verify more details before getting intimate. Speak to your lover about this. Tell him that you love him, but you have some boundaries that you would like to set. Set those boundaries.
He has expectations from you, and you have some expectations from him. Set boundaries of how much you could extend yourself and respect the distance that he would extend himself to.
Love will stand the test of time.
P.S. if it is love, it will.
'Need Gay Husband on Rent'
I am a lesbian woman in search of a good gay man to marry. I have money, so I can pay him to marry me, but this marriage will only be for the world to see. My family knows but they don’t want a bad name. I agree with them. I will divorce this gay after 2 years and shift with my girlfriend. I am writing to you because you know many gay guys. Please get me married to one of your friends. I can pay you a commission. Please help me.
Thank you for writing in. Unfortunately, I don’t run a gay-husband-for-pay matrimony. Also I am sure, most of my gay friends are too gay for you. They are raging queens. If they say they are straight, that would possibly make more headlines over their entire lives as queer people.
Marriage by contracts don’t usually work. If you have the money, please invest in counselling instead.
I would get upset when gay men look for lesbian women for marriage, just so that they hide their sexuality from their families. Though most of it begins like a contract, there are times when boundaries get violated and there are also cases of violence between partners in such cases.
I seriously think this whole idea is bad. There are several chances of things going awry.
Please tread with caution.
P.S. again, tread with caution.
I have beautyspots all over my face. It is actually causing me a lot of trouble. I think I am looking ugly. What do I do to get rid of them.
Dear Beauty, Thank you for writing in.
Your query would need the intervention of a skin specialist. Please visit a skin specialist.
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