Sexolve 299: 'I Had Sex With My Husband And Boyfriend, Now I'm Pregnant'

Sexolve is Equal Rights Activist Harish Iyer's weekly column on love, sex, and relationships.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As are below:

'My Husband Cums in My Mouth'

Dear RainbowMan,

I cannot tell you how much courage I had to muster to come and tell you this. This is deeply personal. I have been married for the past 5 years. I come from a reasonably affluent family and my husband and I had married after a long courtship.

During our courtship we had sex multiple times. All time though it was always the mundane stuff, though we enjoyed it thoroughly. As time progressed, we got closer but our sex remained the same - simple but mutually enjoyable.

My husband naughtily told me then - in the first night I will tell you something more and you will enjoy it. Things progressed we married and we had our first night. In the first night when I was giving him a blowjob, he came in my mouth. I quickly spat it. When he saw that he got very upset. Are these fantasies normal? Is my husband abnormal?

To salvage our night, I ended up giving him a blow job a couple of times more and every time he came in my mouth and insisted that I dont spit it. He asked me if I loved it, but it was evident that he wasn't willing to listen to no as an answer.

Now we have a 1-year-old child.

Post that night, he has had sex with me multiple times and every time he has insisted that I ingest his sperm. I don't like it. I recently objected to it and he slapped me while we were having sex for refusing. He slapped me in a sexual way, but it hurt real bad. I am not sure what is happening here.

Lost She

Dear Lost She,

Thank you for writing in and sharing something so deeply personal with me. Life can take a different turn when we are met with such unpleasant surprises.

Human beings as a species, could have different pleasure points, kinks, fantasies and sexual habits. Whether they are good or bad, will be determined only by the persons in the act. What is loved by your husband could be distasteful for you,

Fantasies and kinks are fantasies and kinks only when they are enjoyed by all in the act. Consent is key.

Your husband has no right over your body or your fantasies. You are the owner of your will. You are the owner of your fantasies. And the right to approve or disapprove your husband’s moves lies with you. If you dislike something, you should voice it.

Though it is most appropriate if people understand non verbal signs of withdrawal of consent, but guess that kind of human is an endangered species.

You should speak to your husband. Tell him what you dislike and more importantly tell him what you would like in bed with him.

A wife is not for the pleasure of a husband.

You are your own being. You are your own person. You are someone with your own independent desires and happiness. Give yourself that space.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S. Things will get better when we realise we deserve better.

'Who Is The Father?'

Dear RainbowMan,

There is a secret I wanted to share with you. I have been married for 13 years. My husband is a sailor and is out of the country on the ship for many many months altogether.

One such time, the day after he left I had sex with my neighbour. I believe the front side is sacred so I ensured that my boyfriend has sex only from the backside. I did feel guilty after that, and it was only one time.

To my absolute horror, I realised that I was pregnant after the sex. But then, my husband and I also had sex two days before this sex with the neighbour.

I am scared that the child in my stomach is of my neighbour. What if the white liquid dripped from behind to front side from within? I dont know if I sound stupid. Please help. I want to know who is the father?

Dangerous Escapes

Dear Dangerous Escapes

Thank you for writing in.

There should be no awkwardness in calling a vagina a vagina (frontside) and an anus an anus (backside).

You will not get pregnant by anal sex. The sperm doesnt have any secret internal navigation route to reach the egg.

If you have not had peno-vaginal sex with anyone else other than the husband, chances are that the child belongs to the husband.

You take care.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S. And congratulations on the good news (I guess)

'Am I a Godly Gay?'

Dear RainbowMan,

How can I be godly and gay. My religion doesnt think being gay is the right thing. How do I change that?

Anon

Dear Anon,

Thanks for writing in.

I dont know your religion and I will not ask, because it doesn't matter.

The basic tenets of every religion are kindness, empathy and respect for all.

So, whether you fold your hands, or kneel down and pray, this basic tenet holds true.

Religion is personal. And you just need your approval to practice your religion. You need no one elses approval.

You can be god-loving, god-fearing, god-hating, non-believer, believer of a higher power or energy - anything - and also be gay.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S, If you believe that god made you the way you are, accept it. perhaps, the residents of heaven did not make a mistake.