Hey Justin Bieber,
Khush toh tum bahut hoge aaj. You got to know your worth in India and it’s a whopping 76K. Gosh, who would have thought that desi Bielebers would be ready to shell out such a crazy amount on your maiden concert? At least not me. Yaar, your tickets cost more than the latest iPhone 7 32GB!
You know Coldplay, right? So they came to India last year to perform but the Brits only managed to squeeze about Rs 25K each from our pockets. That too was pretty steep for us, but never mind, Brits stole Kohinoor from us so 25k wasn’t such a big deal. Well, till we met you, Justin bro.
I honestly didn’t know you were a bigger brand name than Coldplay. I mean, we are fond of Kaneda (read: Canada) our pind, and the other Justin (Trudeau), but this was a shocker.
Why would anyone spend 76k or 58k or even 36k on your concert? You are not potty-trained; you’ve peed in a janitor’s bucket at a club. Disgusting bro. You’ve been charged for an egg-attack on your neighbour’s house. Who does that? And you pledge to remain ‘pure’ till marriage. So you’re a virgin like Salman Khan? Ha ha ha. You’re the Salman Khan of Canada. But that still doesn’t explain why your tickets are so damn expensive.
I watched a video of yours where you said you love Indian food, especially “tandoori and chicken tiki” (the dish that we commonly know as tikka) with naan bread. Toh bhai, jis desh ki thaali mein khaate ho usi mein chhed kyu karna chahte ho? Why are you burning holes in our pockets? Don’t you know we’ve just recovered from the demonetisation epidemic?
I’m ‘sorry’ I might not be like any other 15-year-old fan of yours but I hope that with that price, you’ll entertain us. We appreciate how you’ve danced with kids and let them make your hair. That’s all very cute but we Indians believe in full entertainment and want our paisa vasool. So maybe you need to think of a different level of audience-engaging acts. Like, you could have a “chicken tiki” competition with your Beliebers. You could also speak in Hindi or shake your booty with Varun Dhawan (who will apparently attend your concert).
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But I guess we’ve given you enough ideas and time to think about your ‘baby’ act before it’s too late to say ‘sorry’.
Love,
So not a Belieber
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