Suraj Pe Mangal Bhari released on Friday, 13 November. It stars Manoj Bajpayee, Diljit Dosanjh, Fatima Sana Shaikh, and Annu Kapoor. Funny? Offensive? Boring? Let's find out.
1
I'm going to give up on the chronology and start with a TL;DR version - Suraj Pe Mangal Bhari is about two grown men and their elephant-sized egos. So the usual Bollywood stuff basically, no biggie.
2
Diljit Dosanjh AKA Suraj is The Bachelor (or at least he thinks he is) and Manoj Bajpayee AKA Madhu believes he is Sherlock Holmes.. if Sherlock Holmes was strictly into the wedding-detective business only.
3
Now, The Bachelor is a proper north Indian whose parents migrated from Punjab in the hope of a better life in Mumbai. They have a milk business.. a detail you can't miss even if you want to because every third sentence that Diljit utters has some kind of milk/ghee/lassi reference.
The Bachelor is so eligible that he doesn't drink beer, he just drinks milk. Umm...
4
Also the joke here is that Suraj AKA The Bachelor is LITERALLY DOODH KA DHULA.
5
Madhu, or Sherlock, is a Maharashtrian whose day job is playing dress-up and stalking men who are about to get married, exposing their faults (drinking, smoking etc.) and thereby saving the women from ruining their lives by getting married to the wrong guy.
We have enough male saviours in Bollywood, one more can't do any harm na?
6
Sherlock has a very pretty sister (Fatima Sana Shaikh AKA Tulsi) who, at some point, will become a pawn in the ego battle between the two men. Duh!
7
The Bachelor instantly locks eyes with Tulsi (he doesn't know her yet) and falls in love with her. Then he stalks her and offers to give her a ride home. Tulsi actually accepts the offer and lets a strange man drop her home??
THIS is *exactly* what I mean when I say that Bollywood gives us unrealistic expectations!
8
On their first date, Tulsi and The Bachelor go to watch a Marathi play chosen by Tulsi, and The Bachelor is super uncomfortable and doesn't understand a word but has to pretend anyway. It's also where Tulsi reprimands him for growing up in Mumbai but not knowing Marathi..
Honestly, that scene felt like a personal attack...
9
Anyhow, now they're in love, but The Bachelor's messed up big time by revealing Tulsi's Big Bad Secret and tarnishing her Sanskaari Bharatiya Naari image so he.. apologises.
His apology gift? A pager! Okay, that's mad cute.
(Did I mention it's Bombay 1995? Hence, the pager.)
10
Full disclaimer: the first hour of the film is actually funny. I was laughing, yes. But after that the jokes become redundant, the writing becomes predictable and you kinda just get bored of watching Madhu and Suraj run around in circles.
11
Is it possible to have a Bollywood film with Diljit where there are no classist jokes about how his character can't speak in fluent English? Please, I'm begging..
12
Anyway now Sherlock is pissed big time because The Bachelor exposed Tulsi's Big Bad Secret and broke up her arranged marriage with some government employee.
So he decides to take revenge. But in a super feminist way. You'll see.
13
This Madhu AKA Sherlock needs a life.
14
Sherlock's feminist revenge includes wrongfully framing The Bachelor and his family for dowry. The police actually shows up and arrests The Bachelor's entire family but somehow nobody cares about how Madhu is just going around casually recording conversations with people without their consent..
15
I can't tell who I hate more:
The Bachelor who was the first one to break Tulsi's heart by breaking her trust,
OR
Sherlock who uses his own sister to take revenge from some rando.
16
All I know is that the men in Suraj Pe Mangal Bhari do not deserve Tulsi, who is destined to become the city's first female DJ in Mumbai of 1995.
17
Suraj Pe Mangal Bhari tries to be political in its own way but we don't give brownie points for trying anymore so...
18
ALSO. Vijay Raaz's character seems to have some kind of OCD.. but for everyone in the film he's just "ajeeb (weird)"
Okay then.
19
God, I did not sit through two hours of this moderately funny film that reminds me too much of Mujhse Shaadi Karogi for it to end with a sappy recreation of the DDLJ train climax scene.
20
On a personal concluding note, DDLJ aged horribly and as a society, we need to get over it.
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