Sexolve 16: Dear RainbowMan, Should I Have Premarital Sex?

All your questions on sex, sexuality and relationships answered here.

Sexolve is equal rights activist, Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you.

Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

Is My Girlfriend Pregnant?

Dear RainbowMan,
I am in severe tension. I am not married. I have a girlfriend and we have sex regularly. I usually don’t insert my penis completely inside. When I achieved orgasm, I ensured that I withdrew my penis and ejaculated outside at the time of climax. We had sex on 29 June 2016 and as of 23 July 2016 her periods have not begun. She usually gets her periods on the 16th of every month. We had sex again on 20 July 2016 and there was some blood that flushed out.
Boondh, Uttharakhand

Dear Boondh,

I call you that because that all that it takes to become pregnant. You don’t need bucketful of sperms to create a baby. Just one sperm, at the right time and at the right place can help conceive a baby. You are taking a big risk my friend. A damn big risk. Your worry doesn’t help, your precautions would. Use a condom.

Coming to pregnancy, the average time from one period to another is 28 days. Sometimes, it is normal for one to miss the periods for a few days more. The reason could also be some sort of hormonal imbalance, and not always pregnancy.

The blood that flushed out, could be periods? Maybe you are not able to describe it. Maybe she will describe it better to a doctor. Take her to a gynaecologist. You were in it together. You have to be in this together. She is not your seed carrier, she is your partner. I hope she is not pregnant, but if she is, I should tell you that I am pro abortion, if you are not capable or interested in raising a child, maybe you should not. Leave it to her to decide, though.

Also, in future, it could help because there are many pleasurable things you could do with a condom too, so it really wouldn’t be so tough on your spicy sex life. And believe me, there are fruity flavors and ribbed condoms for a reason.

Smiles,

RainbowMan

Should I Have Premarital Sex?

Dear Rainbowman,
I am 29 years old and still I haven’t had sex with any woman. Though I have masturbated many times. l am confused and unable to decide whether sex before marriage is right or wrong.
Sometimes I feel I should have sex with someone either paid or free. But sometimes I think I am not married, also I don’t have any gf, if I will have sex then it will spoil my dignity. You know Indians blame each other uselessly for having premarital sex.
I am not a rich person, that’s why no one is ready to become my girlfriend also no one is ready to marry me, either love or arranged.
Is it right to cheat with someone and have premarital sex with her?
Regards,
Alone Boy

Dear Alone Boy,

Firstly, let me assure you that what you are feeling is what many people of your age in our country feel. There is a lot of “morality” that is associated with sex. People in our country don’t see sex as a bodily need, rather they see it as some sort of a means to make babies or a compass to measure morality. Though I feel it is stupid, to each its own.

I will tell you what I feel, you may choose to ignore it, or take a cue from it. It’s your choice.

I don’t think that there is anything wrong in having pre-marital sex. You just have to ensure that there is consent of the person or the people you are having sex with. Also remember one thing, your partner, which in this case is your woman-wife, would have the equal right to have pre-marital sex to “explore” or to even satisfy her sexual needs before she becomes your wife. You cant be a misogynist and say that “I want a virgin bride” when you are not one yourself. In my world, no one judges anyone for their past, and everyone respects everyone for their sexual needs and desires. What happens after you guys get married to each other or another, is a plan you need to charter with your partner.

So here are some tips. Don’t be alone. Go out. Interact with your friends. Look for people on Tinder, OkCupid and other apps. Discuss your life, your likes your dislikes. Get out of your comfort zone. You need to look at yourself in the mirror everyday, and see a handsome guy. It will boost your self morale. And yes, go out and play, and who knows, you may get lucky with some foreplay.

All the best,

RainbowMan

Am I Too Kinky?

Dear Rainbow Man,
I love ice cubes. I love putting them in the vagina of my girlfriend and like to watch it melt. Sometimes, I like wax sex too. Like candle wax on her breasts. Am I normal?
Kinky Man, Delhi

Dear Kinky Man,

Thanks for sharing your fantasies with me. Not everyone owns up to their “kinks” online. Let me tell you that I am not judging you for this.  But let me also tell you there are many of these “decent” people who are reading this and judging you. They don’t matter, because many of them themselves have such thoughts, but never own up to them. Kink is in.

I have a concern though – does your girlfriend mind it? Is she okay with candle wax and ice cubes inside her body? Because it could be quite painful. If you have her consent and she equally enjoys what is being done to her, no third person has the right to call it abnormal, unnatural or whatever. Just ensure that there is pleasure for all parties involved and no harm.

But if she doesn’t consent to it, you are in some serious shit my friend. There are a battery of charges that could be levied on you.

And yeah, in that case,  I am with her.

Smiles : )

RainbowMan

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)