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Secular Baba Knows What Rahul, Akhilesh & Kejriwal Should Do

Does ‘Secular Baba’ have any tantra-mantra to cure the losses incurred by Kejriwal, Akhilesh and Rahul? Absolutely!

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Video Editor: Purnendu Pritam

Video Producer: Kanishk Dangi

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Babas often have a “solution” to everything through their tantra-mantra (witchcraft and wizadry), be it a failed relationship or unemployment. So we wondered if Secular Baba might have a solution for the losses faced by Rahul Gandhi, Akhilesh Yadav and Arvind Kejriwal.

Here are some key points that our very own Secular Baba had for our political leaders:

Akhilesh Needs to Work a Lot Harder If He Wants to Prevent His Cycle From Getting Punctured

Now see, Akhilesh and Mayawati contested together. But neither did Akhilesh’s party members agree to ride the elephant nor did Mayawati’s people agree to pedal the bicycle. Now Akhilesh may often boast “we built the expressway”, “see our expressway” or may praise his metro. Akhilesh, your chants were good but your modus operandi, not so much. Akhilesh, you have spoken much on expressways. Now, visit the villages near the expressway. Not on a helicopter or an expensive car, but on a bicycle.

Mayawati Has to Come out of Her Fantasy World

Journey from 0 to 10 was completed thanks to the combination of the cycle and the elephant. But the elephant couldn’t find a parking spot in Legislative Assembly. For acquiring that she has to travel to the small gullies of UP on foot. She has to leave her bungalow and go to the people. Like she used to do day and night during the times of Kanshiram for the backward classes.

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Rahul Baba Needs to Get Rid of Boot-Lickers and Listen to the Masses

Baba says, you cannot doubt Rahul’s hard work. He has to get rid of boot-lickers in order to succeed.

AAP’s Broomstick Is Crumbling, but in Unity Lies Strength

Baba says, unity is strength. Mr Kejriwal you cannot sweep the floor with a broken broomstick, so collect the disintegrated strands. If you won't realide the importance of unity now you will be gone forever.

Didi Needs to Curb Her ‘Goon’ Brothers

Change is inevitable, now who will understand this better than Mamata Banerjee who made the Left party which ruled for 30 years leave Bengal. Baba has a solution. Ahimsa (non violence). Mahatma Gandhi’s Ahimsa. Now if Mamata calls herself Didi then she has to stop her ‘goon' brothers. People voted for you to get rid of violence. Do not forget that.

Lalu & Co, There Are Other Pressing Issues Besides Caste

Put some oil in the lantern. Let the light from the lantern fall on your brother too. Caste can’t be overlooked but there are other issues to talk about. Keep raising the issues of migration, unemployment, industries and unity. People will support and help you shine. Having scored 0 runs in Bihar, ex-cricketer Tejaswi, if you will listen to Baba’s advice, you might become the captain in days to come.

(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)

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