What Do Mallya, Nick-Priyanka and Sajid Khan Get This Diwali?

India’s biggest newsmakers get some good, bad and ugly Diwali gifts

Published05 Nov 2018, 01:43 PM IST
Satire
1 min read

Editor: Rahul Sanpui
Camera
: Shiv Kumar Maurya

If I could give just one thing to India’s biggest newsmakers, it would be a bottle of whiskey — so they could all be taken down a peg or two.

Never mind. The best gifts are always personalised, or so capitalism has made us believe.

Doing our bit to spread the festive cheer, we are gifting everyone from soon-to-be-married Nick and Priyanka, to the King of Screwed Times Vijay Mallya.

Because a good gift is supposed to assist you, we have kept our gifts largely functional. So, a freezer it is for Vijay Mallya who has to deal with lots of frozen assets in the near future. But guess what? We were kind enough to gift him one that comes with a defrosting option, so he can defreeze not just his matar, but also his assets whenever he wants.

And multiple blank nameplates for Shri Yogi Adityanath. So he can change names of places whenever he wants; however, we have just one humble request: please don’t change the name of Agra to Viagra.

For the much in love Nick and Priyanka, we did want to keep up with Punjabi traditions and gift them a shagun of $101. The amount might seem little to Amreekis, but it actually comes to about 7000 rupees in Indian currency. And by the time Nick and Priyanka get our gift, its value will be all set to soar to one lakh rupees. Only Indians can think of such a sasta and clever gift!

For more of the good, bad and ugly Diwali gifts, why don’t you just watch the video?

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