Sexolve 141: ‘I Hate My Nipples and Want to Get Them Removed’

“It is your body, it should be your choice. Do not give anyone else the authority to decide about your body.”

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

‘I Am 18 and in Love with a 15 Year-Old Girl. How Do I Get Intimate with Her?’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 18 year old man and I have been in love with a 15 years and 10 months old girl since the past one year. Though we have totally been in love for the past 1 year or so, we have not crossed the line ever. We have not even kissed. The thing is that I am developing feelings for her. I feel like getting intimate with her. How do I do proceed? I am scared of issues with her parents. Should I wait till we get married? What should I do? My urge is uncontrollable.

Young and Restless

Dear Young and Restless,

Firstly, congratulations on finding someone special in your life, love is such a beautiful feeling, everyone should get a chance to experience it. I also would like to congratulate you both for giving sex a seriously and not giving in to emotional and sexual urges. Sorry for the generalisation, but yes, I have to say it - such pragmatism is rare to find in teenagers where hormones have a mind of their own.

She is technically still a minor. While there is nothing that could stop you from being in love with her emotionally. Legally, any sexual move could land you in trouble. I should make you aware of a law called POCSO (Protection of children from sexual offenses act 2012) that protects minors from all kinds of sexual abuse, even if there has been no physical contact but sexual exchange through texts, sharing of provocative photographs or even verbal discussion of sexual acts.

So, though I understand that the age difference between you both is just 3 years, technically she is a minor and you are an adult and you should be aware that you could land up in trouble. You have to wait till she is an adult for any sexual exchange with her.

Therefore, give it time. Sex can be late, love can wait.

Sexual arousal is natural at your age. Some people try relieving their sexual tension through masturbation. What helps you relieve it?

I’m sure, that true love can stand the test of time and patience.

Smiles,
RainbowMan.

PS: Wait. She will be 18 soon. 3 years is a short time for lovers who are madly in love.

‘I Am Under Pressure to Get Married Because of My Ailing Grandmom’

Dear RainbowMan,

My life is in a mess. I don’t know what I should do. I am a 22 year old girl. I belong to a reasonably affluent family. I have spent my entire life in short skirts and modern clothes. However, my life is turning into a Hindi soap opera. My grandmom is old and may die of cancer very soon. Her wish is that she sees me “settled”, so against my wishes, to fulfill her wish, my parents are looking for a groom for me. I am angry and upset. My parents don’t seem to understand. What should I do?

UnBride

Dear UnBride,

Thank you for sharing with me. It is indeed scary to imagine that even in this day and age hindi serial stories are a reality of the day. Let me be as direct as I can with you about what I feel.

Let’s get this straight. Your parents may be wonderful people otherwise, but your parents, legally and morally, have no right to decide who you would marry and when you would marry. You and only you should reserve the right to that decision.

You are an adult, you can decide for yourself and the other adults cannot force you into anything. One of their arguments could be that you are dependent on them financially, so eliminate that. Get yourself a job, be self reliant and don’t hesitate to move out of home if it gets too much, but don’t let other’s dictate your life.

Your grandmom would be a great person. I wish she gets better. Her wishes would be genuine and she may wish you nothing but happiness. But your desires are free will is also important. Reserve the right of deciding about your life to yourself.

You will win.

Smiles,
RainbowMan.

PS: Marry when YOU want to marry.

‘I Hate My Nipples, I Want to Get Them Removed. What to Do?’

Dear RainbowMan

I hate my nipples and I want to get rid of them surgically. I don’t like my husband touching them and it points and it gets embarrassing when it happens so. My husband hates the idea that I don’t like my nipples. What should I do?

Nip-in-the-bud

Dear Nip-in-the-bud,

It is your body, it should be your choice. If you don’t like something, it should be your choice that you wish to exercise. I am not qualified to advice you medically. I would suggest that you get in touch with a doctor / cosmetic surgeon regarding the challenges regarding getting the nipples off your body.

Let this decision be discussed with your husband, if he is your confidant, however, do not give anyone else the authority to decide about your body.

Smiles,
RainbowMan.

PS: Nobody knows you better than you.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to [e-mail].)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)