Jane Austen’s 1813 novel Pride and Prejudice begins like this: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” In 2022, how flawlessly does this line capture the desires and anxieties of South Asians! But this article is not about South Asians.
It is about Indians. That too about a particular variety of Indians – the premium quality, the sought-after, the children of Newark and Ahmedabad – the partner-hunting Indian Americans who feature in the second season of Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking (I think “partner-hunt” can be a legit verb from here on).
The very first episode of the second season will make it clear that the partner-hunting Indian Americans are go-getters and high achievers – they have “high standards” you see! They work hard and partner-hunt harder.
Indian American women think of themselves as Priyanka Chopra Jonas –unstoppable, fierce, uncompromising, etc. And the Raja Betas of Jersey City and Miami erroneously think of themselves as Shah Rukh Khan! Alas, the aesthetic incongruity between the ever-charming Shah Rukh Khan and the absolutely charmless Indian American men who proudly proclaim they want to marry the replicas of their mothers! All said and done, it is fun to observe this aesthetic incongruity.
Not 'Confused Desis' But 'Complacent Desis'
These partner-hunting Indian Americans are not “confused desis,” a term that is frequently used in South Asian studies and diaspora studies. They are “complacent desis”: Too smug, too snooty, foolishly nostalgic, and painstakingly one-dimensional! Because they are so engrossed in the “Kaun Banega Zyada Indian” contest, they have zero understanding of the fact that many young Indians who are living in India are way more rebellious, curious, and risk-taking than they can possibly be.
Not all but many Indians in 2022 are fiercely questioning the institution of marriage, living alone, ending unhappy marriages, remarrying, building and nurturing LGBTQ communities, talking about mental health and domestic violence, adopting children, adopting pets and plants, and whatnot!
On the other hand, in this show, a Manhattan woman cries about her ageing skin and eggs, and a Gujarati woman from North Carolina wants to “build an empire” with a Gujarati guy! And these folks want the world to believe they are the paragons of progress and modernity! Give me a break!
But Sima Aunty from Mumbai is not the Problem
In short, not much has culturally and intellectually changed for Indian Americans in the United States. In the 1970s and 1980s, Indian American men wanted “cultured Indian women” who wore flowy chiffon sarees and made gol gol rotis as their wives. In Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking, we meet their haughty children who are unabashedly neoliberal and heteronormative.
In the show, Indian American women want men who make tons of money and workout 20 times a week – CrossFit, Pilates, Kickboxing, Yoga, and Swimming. Told you they are uncompromising! And the Raja Betas of Jersey City and Miami want women who are good-looking, sexy, and sanskari – a nice blend of Kendall Jenner and Meena Kumari. But who is going to tell them that falling in love and ordering a Burrito at a Mexican restaurant (beans, salsa, no sour cream, no guacamole, medium hot) are two entirely different processes!
So, in my opinion, Sima Aunty from Mumbai is not the real problem. It is unfortunate she is getting so much hate on social media. People should understand she is just trying to cure a part neoliberal, part sanskari disease which is affecting and troubling Indian Americans.
What is the point of blaming Sima Aunty who has simply come up with a successful business model to cure this diasporic problem? The nucleus of this mess is the children of Newark and Ahmedabad! They have so much cultural, social, and economic privilege and such little humility and self-awareness! How amazing it would be for these folks if IKEA also sold humility and self-awareness! But who knows! One day even that might happen in the land of possibilities and dreams!
(Shwetha Chandrashekhar is an English literature PhD scholar studying at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, US. This is a blog and the views expressed are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for them.)
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