Mob: You corrupt Leftist, how could you buy such an expensive car?

Me: Leftist? Gosh, who told you that? I am an entrepreneur. I celebrate the creation of wealth.

Mob: No, our best right-wing trolls call you a “dirty leftist” on Twitter. Their word is the Gospel truth for us.

Me: You’ve got to be kidding. I am a staunch critic of Communism, which I believe is a failed ideology. I believe in well-regulated free markets. I abhor the big State which strangles enterprise. I detest government intrusion in our lives. Yes, I support a strong welfare state which protects the disadvantaged – here, read what I’ve written on why India needs to completely “unmix” its economy. Does this read like a Leftist doctrine to you?

Mob: Oh, c’mon you Libtard (the invective was spat out), we’ve seen your liberal videos, supporting Muslims, Gays….

Me: Aaah, so you think I am a Leftist because I am a Liberal? How can you equate the two? Yes, some of my cultural liberalism overlaps with Leftist ideology, but remember, I am an implacable foe of their economic thought, which I believe is obscurantist…

Mob (cutting in rudely): If you are so anti-Left, then why do you publish Leftist intellectuals?

Me: That’s because I am a Liberal! I may disagree with you, but I will support your right to propagate your ideology freely. At the core of liberalism is the agreement to disagree. As an enlightened editor, I will defend your right to publish your thoughts even if I “violently” refute those in my writings. So, if you really want to pigeon-hole me into an “ism”, then I am a “Right of Centre Liberal”.

Mob: Shut up, you scumbag. Don’t even whisper the word “Right”. You are anti-Hindu. You’ve given stock options to Muslims.

Me: Of course, I have. Stock options are given on merit, not religion. In the very first business I founded, I gave a 5 percent stake to an accomplished film-maker and camera-man. He happened to be Muslim, so what? As for being “anti-Hindu”, how can you say that? I’ve read the Hanuman Chalisa every day for the last 33 years. I am a diehard devotee of Lord Hanuman. Although I also believe that you can be a good Hindu even if you’ve not read a scrap of a scripture in your life.

Mob (anger rising): Beware, you idiot, don’t abuse our scriptures... and why haven’t we ever seen you in a temple? You don’t fast during Navratras, because we’ve seen you drinking and eating all kinds of un-Godly food during those holy days.

Me: But where is it written that I must go to a temple to demonstrate my religiosity? In which scripture? The Bhagavad-Gita? The Ramayana? On the walls of the Khajuraho temple? Where is that written? I don’t go to a temple because a disability does not allow me to take off my shoes; and since the temple priests don’t allow me to walk in with my shoes on, it’s just easier to avoid going into the garba-griha (the holiest spot in a temple). Me (continuing): And by the way, even if I did not suffer from this disability, I would perhaps have never gone inside a temple. I am cool with that – go to a temple or mosque or gurudwara or church if you feel good about that; and if you don’t, no sweat at all. But I do pray to my God every day. And yes, I eat and drink merrily through Navratras, because I do not believe in any ritual. Equally, I do not impose my views on anybody. My mother fasts for those nine days, and I respect her for that. I don’t fast or observe any denial, and she loves me without any fuss despite that. We’re liberals.

Mob (tempers reaching a crescendo now): You pretender, irreligious man; you “non-sanskari” skunk; why does your wife still keep her maiden name?

Me: So, what’s wrong with that? She has her own identity, and I am proud of her for that. Even Lord Krishna believed in the full equality of man and woman…

Mob (now out of control, breaking through the windows, beginning to lynch my driver and me): What, you are desecrating Lord Krishna? You are insulting Lord Hanuman? You are abusing Lord Rama? You don’t deserve to live, you bloody urban Naxal…

I woke up in cold sweat, physically feeling the swarthy paws picking the flesh off my bones. It took me a while to figure out that my lynching was not real, that I had had a terrible nightmare. As I sipped water to calm my nerves, I realised, in the dead of that awful night, that my hallucination was a hallucination! Because it wasn’t a hallucination. It was the bitter truth. In today’s India, whether you are an atheist or believer, a karma-yogi or ritually devout, a Leftist or Liberal, a fast-keeper or temple-goer or neither, heaven help you if you disagree with “the mob”. Then you are simply an “urban Naxal”.

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Diary of a Hallucinating Liberal, err… Urban Naxal

In today’s India, if you disagree with “the mob”, you are just another urban Naxal, writes Raghav Bahl.

Raghav Bahl

Updated: 02 Sep 2018, 8:16 AM IST

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Indian democracy hallucinated wildly this week. Intellectuals and activists were crudely arrested, Supreme Court Judges got riled up, police were unusually combative, ruling party honchos became acerbic, mainstream news outfits woke up from a self-induced slumber, liberals agitated, and trolls got even more vicious. Even by our febrile standards, it was surreal.

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Topics: Urban Naxal

Published: 01 Sep 2018, 8:22 PM IST