Adulting Hacks for Desi Couples: How to PDA in India
First of all, let's clear this up: for most Indians, PDA = Padosi Dekhle Agar?
You can be a college goer looking for a safe space to nurture your first legit relationship or a working adult bracing for an onslaught of midlife crisis with your partner, this is always a looming question -- to PDA or not to PDA.
So here’s a ready reckoner on what (read 'where') to do when you want to coochie-coo with your lover in public.
Don’t be a Cliche
Give parks, secluded alleys and historic buildings (actually, all sightseeing spots) a miss: they are right in the line of fire of the moral police.
Head to crowded spaces – malls, fancy market streets. Here, people are in such a hurry that you can hold hands or exchange hugs without a raised eyebrow.
For anything R rated, GET A ROOM.
Didn’t see this one coming? Neither did we, until we noticed couples take shelter at God’s abode to whisper sweet nothings. Best to keep this PG 13 rated, or you may have to bid adieu to life.
Hire Fake 'Maa’ & ‘Baap’
Over 18 or not, if you are turning heads with your show of affection, someone is bound to pop the question - ‘maa baap ne yahi sanskar diye hai?’
So have fake parents on call saved in your contacts as Maa and Papa--to come to your rescue.
After all, parents' blessings are everything.
Keep a ‘Mangalsutra’ or ‘Rakhee’ Handy
If you have to spend alone time with your partner in a laila-majnu spot, keep a mangalsutra or a friendship band that can double as a rakhee handy. It'll hep you escape the worst of the shaming.
Interfaith Couples, This One’s for You:
Interfaith couples might as well forget about their (non-existent) secular rights and come up with same-religion names for each other. Spit them out when crusaders of love jihad come around for a friendly chat.
Maybe, have one set from each religion and the stock sanskari Shona, Babu, Baby Girl...
Don't Make out in a Car on a Road.
Especially if it's desolate. Turns out, the police can arrest you on vague charges of public obscenity. If that happens, don’t cry yourself hoarse that your car is a private space.
Clearly, point 3 is the way to go.
Follow these to a T and your PDAship would...still not be all safe sailing. Not unless the culture-kakus are on strike.
The probability of a pumpkin sneezing in your face is higher.
(Being an adult is tough. What’s tougher is asking for help.Don’t panic. 'A Jugaadu's Guide to Adulting' will help you keep calm and carry on adulting.
PS: We don't take us seriously. You shouldn't, either. )