Ah yes, the New Year. Every 365 days (yes yes, 366 if it’s a leap year), we decide upon some new year resolutions that we hope (and sometimes pray) that we can stick to. Having watched and consumed countless videos, shows, and films over the past few years, here are some new year resolution ideas we have for some Bollywood celebrities.
1. Karan Johar – Place a cap on the number of ‘nepotism’ jokes that can be made on the show and never call it the ‘n-word’ again. Kangana Ranaut said it on the Koffee With Karan couch once and it’s still sitting there. Oh, and make more Rocky Aur Rani…s; it’s what we deserve.
Look at the Bollywood, look at the slow motion romance!
2. Kareena Kapoor Khan – Play at least 5 femme fatales this year, get typecast it’s fine; you'll be able to leave it behind whenever...we're sure! Really lean into the Poo aesthetic; really dial the sass up to a maximum. Three seconds of sass during the Koffee With Karan episode had people comparing her to Miranda Priestly. That’s clearly where the money is.
3. Rakhi Sawant – Become a (de)motivational speaker; Rakhi Sawant can be the ultimate anti to people who advocate for hustle culture. 70 hour work days? How about we listen to the genius who came up with iconic phrases like, “Aaj kal sab log mujhe gyaan de rahe hai jabki zarurat mujhe paiso ki hai.”
4. Ananya Panday – In the year 2024, pick better directors and scripts because you're clearly a great actor! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And it's really fun to have an actor who does actually do well in those 'Guess the GenZ slang" segments.
5. Kangana Ranaut – Focus on the good (the plan A: acting) and leave the bad (literally everything else) back in 2023. Even if we put the severely controversial opinions (and Instagram stories) aside, let’s be honest, is politics really the right route?
We need to refocus and remember what an icon Tanu was and heed her advice.
6. Ranbir Kapoor – Go back (in time even if you need to) and sign a film with Imtiaz Ali and/or Anurag Basu. If there's one thing Animal proved, it's that you deserve better than Animal Park.
7. Kajol – As much we love listening to you talk (and laugh!), we'd much rather see you riffing with your fellow guests! Give them a chance too!
8. Alia Bhatt – Consider not using the word "husband" in interviews or any interaction with the media basically. To be honest, we love the stuff you share about you guys (and Raha) but clearly trolls will attack you every time you even say the word.
9. Shah Rukh Khan – Don't let anyone convince you to let them de-age you on screen again! Jawan and Pathaan worked because they're fun films, sure, but also because the salt-and-pepper look looks fantastic on you. This is your time to shine like the action star you always wanted to be!
10. Sara Ali Khan – You really are a misunderstood poet of our times and while the shayaari is top notch, maybe this year should be about having a screening process for the puns because they're testing us! While we loved watching Gaslight, this 'gaslight' sequence broke us.
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