The biggest lie of marriage: you remain sexually passionate for your spouse even after 5 years.Pallavi B, Sexuality Expressionist
Pallavi B, 33, posts personal stuff on Facebook that you and I would call TMI, aka Too Much Information. She talks about sex. Her fantasies, her intimate moments with her partner, the good ones, the not so good ones…and things that reinforce her conviction that monogamy is not her thing….
“Marriage has nothing to do with sex. Sex has nothing to do with marriage. When this fact is understood, we will have better marriages with a lot of sex.”FB comment from Niyati N Shah on Pallavi’s Post
# Sexploration #Orgasm
By the look of Pallavi’s FB page, Indians, married Indians at home and abroad are going through some soul searching or shall we say sex searching.
Her site also advertises her workshops called ‘Tongue Tied’ in the Delhi NCR, where behind closed doors people discuss India’s most taboo dinner table topic - sexual desires. Just naming one’s desires is the first step to a better sex life and a whole new ‘awakening’ she says.
The Good Sex Samaritan
“I want to lift the lid on these marriages where sex has no passion.’’ says Pallavi, who is waging a war against boring coupledom. “I am divorced, and I am in a live in relationship with my boyfriend and also live with my parents in the same house.”
When it comes to breaking the mould, Pallavi, certainly walks the talk. But that isn’t enough for her. What she says she truly wants is to liberate more people from what she feels are the shackles of same partner sex. Marriage or no marriage.
But is this because her heart bleeds for these sorry couples putting off sex till tomorrow, choosing Netflix over sex on repeat, or is it because she has a point to prove? Her point being that - monogamy - the basic ingredient in a conventional marriage, is totally unnatural.
Your Good Name Please?
And to lead the way by example - Pallavi does the sharing herself. A LOT of it, since she askes that those who post, do so without hiding their names.
“As much as I like my partner, and as much as he has been my constant companion and my rock in all the upheavals of life, these days I’m not sexually excited about him. It’s a bitter truth and an inevitable truth of almost all long-term relationships. Sexual passion cools down.”
Said partner, she tells me, has un-friended her on Facebook. Despite ardently supporting her work, her all too truthful posts are understandably just not what he wants to see on his timeline.
But not all those who post totally agree with Pallavi on the topic of monogamy
Satisfied?
Pooja, a writer, has her own views on why some Indians are, to put it simply, frustrated - and why Indian women in particular, may find it hard to find sexual satisfaction in relationships.
Women cannot initiate sex because you are labelled an ‘’experienced woman’’as in tumhey kaise pata. So a lot of women pretend they have not had sex before marriage, even if they have. Because consent is not valued..a woman cannot initiate, she cannot say no, she cannot say ‘’do it differently’’…a lot of women are left dissatisfied because they have never fully explored their sexual potential.Pooja Priyamvada, Writer
Hi Guys!
What’s in it for the men who join the group or workshops? Are they there to improve their sex lives with their wives? Men who come to these forums also come hoping to hook up rather than to help improve their love life with their partner, observes Pooja who has attended these workshops. Yet there are those who post constructive comments on the group and see why sex really needs to be part of the marriage conversation.
“I grew up thinking about sex or longing for it as a bad thing but the ultimate truth is that sex is an energy. Let’s not be judgemental towards casual sex or one night stands. Let’s be ready to speak about monogamy, the positive and negative aspect for some couples who are very secure in who they are, are open to the idea of being with different people still the love doesn’t diminish. Honestly, I am not a believer in monogamy.”Vishal Bheeroo, who writes on Pallavi B’s Facebook Page
Is India ready for a new wave of openly talking sex and marriage? Well, it seems to have started happening, at least with perfect strangers.
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