Move Over Sima Aunty, Twitter Is The Real Desi Aunty in Our Lives
Sima aunty has competition.
Sima Aunty (from Indian Matchmaking) might be the epitome of Nosy Neighbourhood Aunty but as someone who lives on the internet, I just want to say that Sima has tough competition from the one and only - birdapp AKA Twitter.
Humour me for just a little while, will you?
1. Subah Subah Shuru Ho Jati Hai..
If there's anything that makes your neighbourhood aunty stand out, it's that somehow she always has the time to poke her nose into other people's business. At least with Sima aunty, people actually PAID her for that stuff but with Twitter, the interruption is free of cost! (Except for when people are actually paid to tweet - what a life, no?)
Whether it's 8 am on a Monday morning or 11 pm on a Friday night (you know, earlier, when Friday nights actually meant something), you'll always find a bunch of people tweeting away about the most random things.
How else do you think basic hashtags like #MondayMotivation trend every week?!
2. Unlimited Supply of Opinions. Always.
Even though I try to avoid the aunties in my society as much as I can, I still somehow never feel the lack of a Nosy Neighbourhood Aunty sharing her two cents on literally *everything* going on in the world. You know why? Because I have Twitter. A place where I'm bound to find someone expressing some kind of half-baked opinion on something absolutely insignificant to the general well-being of mankind.
Did Patanjali release a new product? Twitter aunty will definitely have something to say.
A border face-off between India and China? Can't wait to hear how Twitter aunty thinks I should burn my Chinese phone to help the Indian government.
3. Everyone on Twitter Seems to Know Everyone! My Question Is, How?
When it comes to networking, Nosy Neighbourhood Aunty got nothing on the people of Twitterverse. On Twitter, somehow everyone claims to know everyone enough to just force themselves into every conversation. Gossip toh sab karte hai and that's fine! But just like nosy neighbourhood aunty, Twitter feels it has to VOICE its thoughts on *everything*
Unsolicited advice toh bhar bhar ke hai Twitter pe.
4. Twitter Aunty Never Forgets. I Wish She Would.
Just like desi aunties who won't think twice before randomly embarassing you by talking about that one time you ran around naked (as a baby) in a room full of adults, Twitter too has an impeccable memory. People on Twitter have a knack for digging up stuff people might have said in the past and ambushing them for...pure pleasure.
And if you've ever had the privilege of sitting with a Nosy Neighbourhood Aunty and watching her twist old, out-of-context information in a completely new way, then you'll relate to Twitter culture - a place where anything can be misinterpreted in anyway.
Case in point being these out-of-context (clearly sarcasting) tweets by Mumbai comedian Agrima Joshua being used against her:
5. Confidence Ho Toh Twitter Jaisa
I'll be honest, when I was younger, I had a fair bunch of Nosy Neighbourhood Aunties constantly playing Chinese Whispers that almost always ended with information about me in my mother's ears (weird flex, but okay). But what truly fascinated me was always the confidence with which people would approach my mother with all the hearsay. Twitter is honestly no different! The sheer CONFIDENCE with which people claim to be mental health experts and experts in almost anything that might be trending is bizarre.
And I want that for me. Karte kaise ho????
For example, take this tweet: I can't make ANY sense of it. But the confidence with which it has been tweet? Gots to give it up for that.
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