Vulva Perfume to Whitening Cream: Most Bizarre Female Beauty Products

Hot Take
5 min read

It is a no-brainer that the cosmetics are a multi-billion dollar industry dedicated to creating insecurities in people about their looks, thereby creating a demand for products that will supposedly make them (and in women in particular) beautiful and desirable.

Without delving deeper into the perils of how the cosmetic industry works and propagates unattainable beauty standards for women, one thing is for sure that it caters to the 'male gaze', despite some of the brands promoting themselves as 'progressive' or 'feminist'.

Now with better marketing and research tools, consumers are bombarded with thousands of products that are meant to eradicate a very specific kind of 'flaw'.

And trust them, they have come up with products that will make you squirm. The latest addition to the list is a razor for women battling polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)! Yes, that IS the most important thing they need, right?

Here is a lot of 10 other bizarre products that have been created for women:


1. Razor For Women With PCOS?!

We already have separate razors for men and women that literally are made for the same job and the only effective difference is that women's razors are more expensive and come in colourful and quirky ranges.

But now, there are razors that work better for women with PCOS? I mean, I'm no medical expert, but I can't think of one reason how they can design a specific razor for a problem that is caused due to hormonal imbalance?

2. Skin And Underarm Whitening Product

Skin whitening and lightening products are honestly the least shocking products available in the market given how obsessed we are with fair skin. Moreover, following the outrage over products like 'fair and lovely', now your skin doesn't have to appear fair and bright, it also has to glow. And dare you forget your underarms, because how will you ever feel comfortable and confident in possessing underarms if they aren't light and smooth?

3. Vaginal Whitening Creams

I will have to give it to our society's obsession towards being fair and lovely. Now that your face and body is bleached with chemicals, don't forget to jazz that vagina with whitening creams. (Well technically, they mean vulva whitening creams, but we're not here to talk about the lack of sex-ed).

Although, it is very common and natural to have darker skin in your pubic area, but why not spend money on one more unnecessary problem and smear some toxic chemicals on it, ladies?

4. Vaginal Tightening Products

By now, I hope that it's clear that your body is an object that only exists for male pleasure. Now, to perform your womanly duty perfectly, you have to ensure you have an intact hymen and tight vagina. And if you're wondering how can you tighten the vagina (which is literally a muscular canal that contracts and expands) with a cream, then my friend, the only answer I have is, you CAN'T. But has lack of logic ever stopped the cosmetic industry from pushing their products?


5. Intimate Wash

From the past few years, the market is overflowing with feminine hygiene products and one of the most popular ones is the intimate wash to keep your intimate areas fresh and dry and smell like roses or fruits. Now, it's good that we're focusing on women's hygiene, but my only question is do you wash soap with soap?

Let me break it down for you: the vagina is a self-cleansing organ and doesn't need to be cleaned externally. Moreover, using soap or intimate wash products can, in fact, throw off the pH level in the vagina causing infections. And to clean the vulva or the external genital area, water is enough with a basic unscented soap. But again the science doesn't matter when you can make your vagina smell like a garden, am I right?

6. Vaginal/ Vulva Perfumes

If the smell of intimate wash didn't make you smell womanly enough don't worry because there are vaginal and vulva perfumes too! Now you can make your vagina smell like a beach or a city or a fruit. And if you need your vulva to smell more like a vulva then there are products just for that! Not like you have your own vagina, secreting natural pheromones for that purpose, duh!

7. Breast and Butt Enlargment Creams

You know what they say, the bigger, the better but no, not your waist size, only your breasts and butt because who doesn't want you to have that perfect bottle figure!? And to achieve that perfect body, all you need is to rub some ineffective and harmful cream on your breasts and butt and brains and see the hole in your pockets get bigger and bigger. It truly is magic, no?


8. Toothpaste For Pregnant Women

Business 101 teaches you that one can only do good business when they can maximise their profits. So, why blame the companies who want to target every age, state and shape and create unnecessary demands to earn profits? How does it matter that your normal fluoride toothpastes are perfectly okay to use in pregnancy?

9. Neck Tightening Tapes

Imagine a corset, but for your neck. Who needs them, you ask? Well obviously, all of you who thought you'll never find specific products for your neck. Try the neck tightening tapes that'll help you hide your wrinkles and lift your skin but not your spirits.


10. Chips For Women

A few years ago Indra Nooyi, the former CEO of Pepsico announced a special range of chips just for women and their feminine snacking habits. Yes, women apparently have different eating skills due to which they are unable to enjoy eating chips like men.

Women are deprived of munching on chips too loudly or putting their hands in the bag of chips and eating them, or even licking their fingers to devour their taste! To counter this huge issue, Indra Nooyi wanted to introduce chips that women could carry in their purses and have low crunch so as to avoid the embarrassment faced by women while chewing loudly. Sadly, some people criticised this brilliant idea and women have till now been deprived of the real pleasure of chip-eating process.

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