Only two types of people go to the cinema hall at 9 am on a Friday– young lovers seeking privacy in the darkness of the empty theatre and film reviewers. Guess which category I came under?
I was anything but a clean slate when I went to watch Ek Villain Returns, starring John Abraham, Arjun Kapoor, Disha Patani, and Tara Sutaria, but I am happy to report that each of my predictions about the film have come true and it is a huge disappointment. As I made my way to the seat to watch Ek Villain Returns surrounded by the villain of my own life– unsolicited PDA, here are some thoughts I had:
The film opens with Arjun Kapoor who is a spoiled brat and a part-time rejected lover on a revenge mission. He makes women who have betrayed him believe that he is falling in love with them, and as soon as they reciprocate, he sabotages them. If you thought Kabir Singh was a bad character, think again. Arjun’s toxicity is made even worse by crass dialogues such as “Marna chalega haarna nahi.” (I’m ready to die but not lose). Honestly, yeh dialogue sunne ke baad mujhe marna chalega but yeh film dekhna nahi. But guess what, our entitled brat is actually the hero of the film!
2. Tara Sutaria dies in the first half of the film to send Arjun Kapoor’s character on a hunt for vengeance, and honestly, I am tired of the female character being killed off just to further the male character’s plot. This practice, popularly known as “fridging” in western pop culture is so common in Bollywood it is almost unbearable. Other examples that come to mind are Ghajini, Kaabil, Badlapur or even the original Ek Villain. You’re saying a woman has to die to give your life some purpose?! Come on.
3. There is a fight sequence between John Abraham and Arjun Kapoor in the Mumbai Metro. I’m willing to ignore how unrealistically empty this metro is, because I’ve been in it and this is probably the most absurd detail about the film. But what I CANNOT ignore is this: Mohit Suri, the director, has included such dramatic shots of the metro from both inside and outside in this fight sequence that you can’t help but think that the metro itself is a character in the film. The visuals of the metro are all so captivating that for once, it even overshadows John and Arjun, but who’s complaining?
4. Disha Patani and John Abraham find themselves on a trip to Lonavala and here’s another disturbing detail. They’re talking against a very scenic background that includes a waterfall. I have been to Lonavala, and I can say with the utmost certainty that there is LITERALLY no waterfall there, let alone such a beautiful one. Middle-aged uncles will open bottles of cheap rum and sit shirtless at the foot of even the faintest streams of water and call it a waterfall. That’s the best you’re going to see at Lonavala, not this bs.
5. Has John Abraham forgotten how to emote? Or did he never know how to in the first place? The nation wants to know. I actually feel like applauding Disha Patani for trying her best to act and react alongside him.
6. After seeing the trailer, most people were eager to watch the film to find out who the actual villain is, John or Arjun. I have the answer for you: The actual villains are the makers of the film and the victims are the careers of John and Arjun.
7. John Abraham keeps committing murders to impress Disha Patani, who is a sadist, the one actually provoking him to commit these murders. Each time he kills an innocent person, Disha is impressed and they have passionate sex. I know people can go to unfathomable lengths to get laid, but wow, John’s character is on a whole new level.
8. Even the songs of this movie don’t match up to the original film’s songs. Ek Villain had some really amazing songs and listening to this noise passed off as music is actually underwhelming.
9. The film ends with John Abraham’s character being attacked and killed by a tiger, and I can say with confidence that even this animated, digitally created tiger has more expression than John Abraham.
10. John plays the role of a cab driver, so naturally, his tagline while killing innocent women is, “Rating zaroor dena”. So here is my rating: 1 star (only because I can’t go any lower).
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