What about a woman sharing a milestone in her life, whatever that looks like for her, makes people think that it’s an invitation for moral policing? Or worse. Alia and Ranbir got married on 14 April after dating for the better part of a decade. On 27 June, Bollywood actor Alia Bhatt shared a picture of her and her husband, actor Ranbir Kapoor, looking at an ultrasound monitor.
Almost instantly, the comment section was flooded with celebrities and fans congratulating the couple on their pregnancy. But, it didn’t take long for the reaction around Alia’s pregnancy to become grossly misogynist.
"Itni Jaldi Kaise?"
First, there came the ‘isn’t this too soon?’ brigade. “Ye kuch jaldi nahi ho gaya?” and several other memes cropped up in the comments section and on Twitter. What matters is: how is this any of our business?
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(Photo Courtesy: Twitter)
Sex is still considered taboo in India with many conversations surrounding it happening in hushed tones. And having a kid without getting married? People paint that as a cardinal sin.
Former Miss Universe, and actor, Sushmita Sen, who is a single mother to her daughters Renee and Alisah, has also often faced criticism online for having kids “without being married”.
Having a kid a few months after getting married? How dare you. Having a kid and deciding to simply not get married? Surely it’s getting out of hand.
What people often forget in these conversations is that having a child is a parent(s)’ choice– a person doesn’t need to be married to have a child, they don’t even need to have a partner to have a child, a person doesn’t need to fit into a heterocentric idea of a family to have a child.
"Phasa Liya Alia Ne"
Not only do people have a problem with the couple becoming pregnant a few months after the wedding, they now also think that the woman has somehow ‘trapped’ the man. One tweet actually read, “Now you know how Alia Bhatt cracked the code to marry Ranbir Kapoor.”
I wish the ‘code’ that the tweet talks about was good old-fashioned love, but we know it’s not because the tweet continues, “Deepika, Katrina has a lot to learn from Alia (sic).”
This idea that women can ‘trap’ men into marrying them because of a child has long worked in creating an image that women are “conniving, scheming” people who trap 'innocent men'.
It also pushes the patriarchal notion that a man can’t want a child as much as a woman might, or even more; since child-raising has for so long been seen as a ‘feminine’ act.
Could it not be that Ranbir married Alia simply because he wanted to? That when a man, who the Internet had painted to be a ‘casanova’, decides to get married, it could just be that? Why must we prod and ponder for conspiracy theories in a couple’s life?
The Exes and Ohs (a Career)
For a long time, and I mean centuries (and even now), a family and kids were seen as parameters for success for a woman. Someone who chooses not to have a child or family simply doesn’t fit into the society’s ‘adarsh naari’. The idea that a woman’s worth is so closely tied to who she marries or how many kids she has and when is inherently sexist.
A pregnancy also often affects a woman’s job prospects and her chances of success because a section of society automatically assumes that the woman is incapable of balancing life and work (yes, there are people in the comments saying ‘Alia’s career is over’).
Alia Bhatt, one of Bollywood’s most bankable stars right now and who is making her Hollywood debut soon, surely has a plan to balance motherhood and her career.
She also shared a publication's post stating that reports suggest Alia will return to Mumbai from the UK and Ranbir might go pick her up. In response, Alia wrote, "Meanwhile we still live in some people's heads... we still live in some patriarchal world.. fyi (for your information)."
"Nothing has gotten delayed! No one needs to PICK anyone up. I am a woman not a parcel! I do not need to REST at all but good to know you all have doctor's certification as well. This is 2022. Can we please get out of this archaic way of thinking! Now if you would excuse me...my shot is ready."Alia Bhatt on Instagram
And why isn’t anyone equally concerned about Ranbir’s career? And if Alia or Ranbir decide to prioritise being a parent over their career or vice versa, unki marzi (!!); as a couple and as individuals.
On the other hand, Alia being pregnant is not a chance to criticise Deepika Padukone and Katrina Kaif. Instead of congratulating Alia, the Internet wants to pit Deepika and Katrina against her.
Deepika, who married Ranveer Singh in November 2018, is not only one of Bollywood’s most successful actors, she was also a part of the prestigious Cannes 2022 jury. Katrina Kaif, who married actor Vicky Kaushal in December 2021, also has films lined up and has also long been a philanthropist.
Why is the Internet so concerned about these successful couples having a child? Karo toh problem, nah karo toh aur badi problem.
There Is No Escape
The misogynist reaction to Alia Bhatt’s pregnancy isn’t unprecedented. Remember when Neha Dhupia and Angad Bedi welcomed their first child? Dhupia was trolled for the same reason Alia is. Then, when she announced her second pregnancy a couple of years after the wedding, she was trolled for that too.
The actor, like many other actors who have given birth, was also body shamed for having gained weight; often a natural consequence of pregnancy.
Celebrities are also often criticised for not announcing their pregnancies– whether it be for privacy, for medical concerns, or simply because they don’t want to.
Dia Mirza, too, had announced her pregnancy in April 2021, after she and Vaibhav Rekhi tied the knot in February. The actor also had to deal with trolls wondering if the couple got married for the baby. One comment also wondered why Dia didn't announce that she was pregnant earlier, and Dia replied:
“Only answering this because: 1) Having a child is a beautiful gift of life. 2) There must never be any shame attached to this beautiful journey. 3) As women we must always exercise our choice. 4) Whether we choose to be single and parent a child or be in a marriage, it is after all our choice.”Dia Mirza, on Instagram
What this all boils down to is moral policing. No matter what decision a woman makes, celebrity or otherwise, there are always people standing by to criticise their choices, just because they aren’t living the life people want them to. Being a celebrity, admittedly, puts someone in the limelight and having fans be invested in their lives is a natural consequence to fame.
However, any aspect of a person’s identity (even if it’s a celebrity) doesn’t give anyone the right to judge them for their choices; simply because they don’t align with the ideals that remain rooted in bigotry.
Congratulations to soon-to-be parents Alia Bhatt and Ranbir Kapoor. Congratulations to Alia for her Hollywood debut and Ranbir for his back-to-back releases.
But leave your sexism out of this and just let people be.
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