Sab saala naa in kahaaniyon ka dosh hai. Bloody bollywood romantic masala! Ek ladka ek ladki... dono ko pyaar hua, dono saath saath, film khatam. Iske baad ki story koi nahi batata. Iske baad ki kahaani main batata hoon.
This famous dialogue from Pyaar Ka Punchnama is sadly the crux of this piece.
Call me weird, but when I watch a movie and it ends in ‘happily ever after’, I think about how their lives will really be. Here are six onscreen Bollywood couples who weren’t actually made for each other.
Simran & Raj from DDLJ
Sorry to invade on your ‘fave’ love story from the ‘90s. You might have grown up dancing to Kajol’s Mere Khwaadon Mein Jo Aaye but let’s back up a little. You really think a woman who grew up in London would one day ‘just’ agree to go back to the land where her parents came from and ‘just’ get married to a stranger?
Well, if she grew up without any traces of an English accent... sure!
But just to be fair, Raj and Simran were very different souls. Shah Rukh Khan’s Raj was a free-spirited, young man who warmed up to the idea of spending his dad’s money after little persuasion from ‘Pops’. Simran was a simple girl from a traditional family, who could have got a job in a bank and would take an occasional trip back to India during the winter break. Their worlds didn’t match.
Simran doesn’t like parties and Raj is a party animal... how’s that supposed to work? And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Tina & Rahul from K2H2
To say the least, Rahul Khanna from K2H2 was the ‘90s version of a f*ckboy.
Tina was (again) a London return without an accent, but a bloody strong woman. She’s an example of the ‘don’t mess with me, imma kick your ass’ girl gang. Remember how she tells Rahul to back off and not give her a lesson in ‘sanskaar’?
Honestly speaking, Rahul was so confused that if Rahul existed in real life, he’d probably end up getting married to a girl his mommy chose for him.
And Tina? Tina would have simply fallen out of love with Rahul as his boyish charm faded. We know there wasn’t anything to Rahul, apart from that charm.
And sweetie, charm doesn’t pay bills.
Shruti & Bittoo from Band Bajaa Baarat
Shruti and Bittoo were two smart, independent and ‘bin-ness’ minded people.
To be fair to Bittoo, he did have his shit sorted when he said, “Jiske saath vyapaar karo, usse kabhi na pyaar karo.” And mistakes happen, no? Shruti was a headstrong woman, who knew how to manipulate people and get work done. Bittoo was again street smart and a sweet talker who complimented Shruti, business wise.
But can you imagine what a Shruti and Bittoo would do to each other in real life?
Shruti tries to manipulate Bittoo and he calls her out because he knows how she works. Bittoo tries to sweet talk her and she gets back at him with the practicalities of life. End result?
Jazz & Arjun from Namastey London
A better version of DDLJ, fosho! But this version of ‘Punjab da Jatt’ is so far away from reality that I can’t! A ‘Punjab da Jatt’ is so practical that he wouldn’t want to leave his country for anything other than a job in Canada, Australia et al. As for Jazz, she’s too full of herself.
She might run to Arjun in the end when she gets to know that he speaks English, but isn’t that too shallow? Like you didn’t commit all this while because he didn’t speak a language?
Arjun should just go back and start his “how to give it back to those who think you’re too desi” business.
Aisha & Sid from Wake Up Sid
When Aisha comes to the big city, she’s focused and hell bent on getting a job and making a career. But sweetie, if you spend some time with someone they don’t become the essence of the city. She should have gone and had some vada pav and pav bhaji, sat at the beach and enjoyed a mango shake.
Sid was basically a man-child who needed Aisha’s support and her house to prove a point to his dad, and went back to his mommy when he was lonely and wanted compliments on his shirt.
Don’t forget how he treated his mom like shit too.
Aisha would have ended up spending her time and energy being a mother, asking him to hang his towel out to dry and wash his hands after he peed.
Naina & Kabir from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani
Naina tum jaise ladkiyan flirting ke liye nahi pyaar ke liye bani hain.
First, who are you to tell Naina what she’s made for? Second, Naina really needed to wait for someone else’s love and not Kabir. Kabir’s ego is so big that even Hulk would be ashamed.
Naina, on the other hand, is a girl with a golden heart who deserves to have 30 kids, watch Harry Potter Part 20 and enjoy DDLJ in Maratha Mandir...just not with Kabir.
Because with him, she’ll spend days thinking about how he could be cheating on her and turn out to be a mess. Naina and Kabir were meant to be just friends who give each other a piece of their mind when they meet once in seven years, nothing more!
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