Meet this Karni Sainik. He’s 25, heavily moustached; sporting moochis that gloriously exhibit his uff-can’t-handle-it masculinity. He sports a hot-red tilak – a centuries-old turn-on for upper caste women. He rounds off his look by wearing a Rajasthani pagdi, which, apart from being trippy-in-a-desi-kind-of-way is also his ticket to patriarchal authority.
Let’s call this dude KS. But KS is also a condom brand. Didn’t he fu** with the whole nation over a movie, anyway?
If you ask KS “what’s the time?”, he’s likely to respond “14th century.” Where the only KRA he has is to save the honour of his queen.
You know how you sometimes imagine the intentions of your partner and then fight with them over that imaginary thing? Like that, he too assumes the plots of movies and then goes on a rampage, burning buses.
But one day, while going to burn buses and hurl stones at kids — you know, just the usual — he meets a modern chhori. When she hears his plan, she asks him if he has even seen the movie he’s so pissed off about. She has, and she thinks the movie portrays his tribe how Sooraj Barjatya movies portray families.
KS obviously doesn’t like our modern chhori. He doesn’t like any modern chhoris, for that matter. He thinks of them as naachnewalis, and is all for cutting off their noses.
Our modern chhori, though, is not like sarkaars, running to tell the courts how she can’t control him.
Hearing this, KS gets super pissed. “Have you locked away your feminism in a tijori?” .... “You fight for all things gender, then, why not for my rani?”.
“Nothing personal dude. Just that I’d much rather focus on real women”.
He says, “The abs of the heroine playing my rani should be covered with CGI”. She replies, “Honour isn’t like fat. It doesn’t get stored in kamars”.
By now, KS is livid. He threatens her with nose chopping. It’s his favourite pastime — she tells him to go to the period he’s still stuck in.
Cut to today. While KS is still chasing this highly addictive thing called attention, the heroine is enjoying with her beau, a successful run at the movies!