Imagine, you are stuck in a tragic situation with an excellent comic timing; and you just can’t help but laugh at yourself.
That’s exactly how over 28 lakh adolescent teenagers are feeling right about now.
Why?
Here’s why: CBSE to Re-conduct Class 10 Maths, Class 12 Economics Board Exams.
<<Insert sad uncontrollable laughter>>
Presenting types of board exam takers and how they dealt with the news of the retest.
'It's Gotta Be A Joke'
‘Are you f*ck*ng kidding me?’
‘April Fool’s Day is three days away, moron.’
‘Haha… you’re funny...NOT.’
– Were some of the natural responses when the forwarded messages carrying the ominous news blew up their phones, two hours after the kids screamed ‘Azaaadiii’ at the top of their lungs at the school gate, and wished each other the all ceremonious ‘Happy Independence Day.’’
Some were in the middle of the so-called ‘exam’s over, good riddance’ party with fellow rebellers when the messages hit them.
“Whoever thought this was a great idea for a practical joke is sadist AF,” they cackled, before furiously hitting the joystick at the gaming arcade.
Except, this wasn’t a joke. This *hit was actually happening.
'Language Paper Abhi Baki Hai'
Those who were to appear for their ‘French’ or Sanskrit’ papers next week, grinned from ear to ear when forwarding the so-called ‘CBSE retake fake news’ to as many WhatsApp groups as possible, thinking it was one of the ‘language group’ brethren, who came up with this brilliant idea to punk the rest.
“Serves you right for teasing us with end-of-exams-celebrations when you know it ain’t over for us,” they thought.
Of course, their smiles only lasted until they realised it wasn’t fake news, and now they had two more papers to write before they could celebrate.
'I Shall Pray The Retest Away'
“I should have prayed another 108 times before stepping out today’’ the girl thought, while trying to excavate her advanced mathematics book from the trash bin outside the building as the neighbourhood dog drooled behind her back.
She suddenly wanted to be the dog. Just to avoid retaking the Maths exam.
If it was any other subject – ANY OTHER – the damage wouldn’t be fatal (actually not). But it’s Maths. M A T H E M A T I C S – for God’s sake!
She knew the subject wasn’t her cup for tea when even after chanting ‘Om Namo Bhagwati Saraswati’ some 108 times, she could barely attempt 60 marks worth of questions. And she was actually happy with just that.
And now she has to do it all over again?
Suddenly she was suspicious of the Gods.
At least the Believers had someone to blame. Who were the so-called hipster Atheists taking their frustration out on?
The Nerd Turned Social Activist:
A few blocks away, a boy flipped open his laptop, fed in the Wi-Fi password he had stolen from his brother’s phone, and logged in to Change.org.
He had given hours to practicing the sums his private tutor had predicted for this year. Just when he was confident that he had secured full marks in today’s test, they say they are changing the effing question paper?!
“No you aren’t!” he hissed into the empty room and typed the following:
He wouldn’t take this sitting down. Someone had to raise their voice against this injustice doled to them by the so-called authorities!
And that someone would would be him. If need be, he would refuse to retake the exam and make a big deal out of it on social media. He would sacrifice himself for the sake of the 16 lakh ‘friends, brothers and country-men’ suffering the same predicament as him.
Suddenly, he felt like those SJWs (Social Justice Warrior) he used to despise online.
'Ab Ghoomney Kaise Jayenge'
“You do it.”
“No you do it.”
The mouse ominously hovered over the ‘CANCEL BOOKING’ button on the MakeMyTrip page, as the girls went back and forth between who’s most apt to physically shatter their dream of an all girls ‘Three Days Two Nights’ trip to Darjeeling.
“Can’t we just go?” said the quietest of the lot.
“Sure. And take the Economics retest from the mountains?” spat the others, ready to flip the table over how unlucky they were.
They had spent months in preparing for the perfect ‘coming of age’ trip for themselves:
– it had to be between ‘goofing around time after board exams’ and ‘freaking out time before college’.
– they had fooled their parents into thinking they had slogged enough for the boards, to activate the reward psychology in them.
– finally, they had to be adults.
If not for the freaking retake that was being shoved down their throats, they would be sprinting their way to the Airport right about then.
Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you end up choking on them cause you wanted them gone so badly that you swallow them whole.
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