Autocorrect, Typos & Screenshots: An Incurable Texter’s Nightmare 

Have you too blundered with texts via autocorrect and screenshots? 

Published
NEON
4 min read
Butt texts, autocorrect, typos... have you taken the bait yet? 
i

TL;DR: Death metal, lambs and deletions- a chornic texter’s survival kit.

I am a ham-fisted adult.I've made peace with that. On bad days, I am absent-minded. On good days, I am a little less absent-minded.

My hand-eye coordination, or the lack of it, can provide sufficient fodder for slapstick gags across silent comedies. I trip on flat surfaces, I regularly press wrong buttons on the elevator pad, I nick myself industriously with razors, and I am a thrill to have around if you let slip a secret around me. I am almost always too distracted to notice.

Autocorrect, Typos & Screenshots: An Incurable Texter’s Nightmare 
(Photo: Giphy) 

I can afford myself broad, physical comedy but social gaffes can't be excused-the ones that stem from what I have clumsily labelled the 'Internet Of Texting'.

Remember, it is a vicious web. A typo or an auto-correct horror can travel like wildfire through screenshots. Before you know it, all saboteurs are in cahoots with each other and you transform into a laughing stock. 

For example, you absent-mindedly type in the wrong letter of the Alphabet. Case in point: Once, I had to wish an elderly person right before an important meeting, and I typed out a hurried 'best-of-luck', except an ''f'' went out instead of an ''l''.

It wasn't pleasant at all.

Thankfully, the gentleman in question wasn't well-versed in millennial sabotage. Neither was a screenshot taken nor was it circulated. At least that is what I would like to believe.

That was the day I came up with a rough guide of sorts- to help the chronic texter in me avoid embarrassing blunders.

Screenshots, up until then, were my perfect downfall. Chatting with more than two people at once is always a risky affair.

On one such occassion, I was chatting with an acquaintance and two of my friends at the same time. To make things worse, my friends and I were talking about that very acquaintance. One of them described him as a ''skunk's fa*t'' with much relish.

Upon receiving her message, I rushed to take a screenshot and share it with the other friend. But... lo and behold!  In a rush, I sent HIM the screenshot that reeked of my impending doom. Panicking wildly and noisily, I rushed to make amends. But (as an encore) I typed out ''This was frank'', missing out an ''a'', and placing an ''f'' instead of a ''p''in the word ''frank''.

No drumrolls, please.

Autocorrect, Typos & Screenshots: An Incurable Texter’s Nightmare 
(Photo: Giphy) 

I have lost many a fine conversation to the fine-tuned nemesis that calls itself Autocorrect. 'Tips' have transfigured to 't*ts', 'decorating' has changed itself to 'defecation' and 'meeting' has gone out as 'beating'. And I have, invariably, realized my errors when the messages couldn’t be deleted anymore.

But, no more...

When you’re living in a head such as mine, you need to chase your absent-minded instincts out like a starved piranha chasing a deer. 

1) Counting up to ten lambs in my head before sending out something always helps me. I am brought back from my vacant daze to a task that requires attention on my part. By the sixth lamb, I have snapped out of my self-induced funk, ready to send out a correct text or screenshot.

2) I can swear by Death metal when it comes to shaking me out of a stupor. Before sending out important work emails or texts, I stick by hair-raising, blood-curdling songs that would raise any man from his grave. 'Angel of Death' and 'Raining Blood' are good starter packs to ease you into the exercise.

3) On principle, I delete all screenshots once they've served their purpose. One should never undermine the potential of a stored screenshot in one's gallery. I am convinced it can think for itself and it is just waiting to get me, waiting to be forwarded to a wrong chat box.

4) I check what I’ve sent on WhatsApp soon enough to be able to delete it. The deletion raises quite a few curious eyebrows, but it is way better than making a royal fool out of myself.

If you too are distracted all the time and your hand-crafted thoughts are placed carefully on an assembly belt that goes round and round, buzzing ferociously till you feel  woozy in the head, try out the not-so-brilliant three pointers by yours truly.

If that doesn't work either, there is just one option left. The last, most terrible resort:

5 neat shots of the blackest coffee you can lay your hands on.

Autocorrect, Typos & Screenshots: An Incurable Texter’s Nightmare 
(Photo: iStock) 

Bottom Line: Remember, better to be safe than painfully sorry!

(The above is a part of TLDR (Too Long. Didn't Read), a weekly blog that aims to crunch things down for you. I will give you the long and short of most things that need to be taken extremely seriously like your bookshelf, beer, existential dread, aimless conversations, rainy days and bubble-wrap. I promise to cater to all readers, but I brazenly harbour a soft-spot for skimmers, bathroom-readers and infinite scrollers. Now, let's bring the written word back!

P.S: Follow me @medhac1)

(The Quint is available on Telegram. For handpicked stories every day, subscribe to us on Telegram)

Stay Updated

Subscribe To Our Daily Newsletter And Get News Delivered Straight To Your Inbox.

Join over 120,000 subscribers!