Aditi Chaudhary is the courageous mother whose loss - losing her daughter to pulmonary fibrosis - inspired the movie, The Sky is Pink. Her character was portrayed by Priyanka Chopra in the movie. But does she feel courageous at all times? Absolutely no. "I wanted to kill myself," she says. "But God told me, you have to be here."
Aditi powerfully opened up about her vulnerabilities, her dark days, her loss, her grief, and how she's coping with it, at IMAGINE, a Children First annual initiative, in collaboration with The Teamwork Fine Arts Society, that brings together parents, teachers, psychologists, counselors, and therapist to IMAGINE a better world for children.
Even though her story, and that of her family is now being talked about globally, Aisha still can't stress enough on acknowledging the pain within, and as a family unit. In a conversation with Shelja Sen, a pioneering therapist and Founder of Children First, Ms. Chaudhary talked about the importance of therapy, and how to effectively live with grief.
Here are the five important insights Aisha gave in her talk about grief, and losing a loved one.
1. Mental Health of Whole Family is Important
A family going through the loss of a loved one has mental health repercussions on the whole family. And Aisha says it's important to acknowledge the pain by talking about it. She's a firm believer in not bottling emotions within.
Aisha also speaks about the need for a prime carer to take care of their own mental health. "I have learnt that the child who is ill will only do as well as the prime carer is doing so the mental health of the prime carer is of prime importance," she says.
In her case, Aisha says her mental health training helped her immensely in dealing with all the stress and anxieties of having a terminally ill child.
2. The Triggers Will Always Be There
For anyone who has ever lost a loved one, they will know that there are reminders, or rather triggers, of a loved one's memory every day. Whether it's by looking at another person, or looking at digital footprints, the triggers and pain will always be there. But even if you feel like crying, it's okay. Just do it.
Aisha says sometimes when she goes for a walk in the evening, she starts thinking of how she and her daughter used to go for a walk on those same roads, and she starts crying.
"I carry on walking and I am howling away and I really don't care who sees me," she says.
3. Counting Your Blessings Adds Positivity to Life
Even though Aisha lost two of her children, Tanya and Aisha, she says she's blessed that she got to be a mother to two brave children. She says her husband too is hugely supportive, and counts that too as a blessing.
"Coldness is the absence of light. The absence of positivity is darkness"
Aisha says no matter how dire our circumstances, we must never fail to look at the bright side.
4. Never Bottle Your Emotions Up, Try Therapy
Aisha speaks about how even though she looks fresh and cheerful on some days, there are days when she just doesn't feel like emerging from the void left by her daughters.
To make sense of her emotions, Aisha understood more about mental health, volunteered as a counsellor after leaving her software career job, and went to therapy a lot.
5. The Grief Will Never Go Away; Learn to Live With It
Aisha says she finds it difficult to understand how people can tell her to simply move on from the loss of her daughters.
But even as the pain diminishes, Aisha stresses, it never goes away.
Grief is funny. Unlike happiness, it never really leaves us.
But Aisha suggests a beautiful thing for anyone who is going through a loss. Let grief flow like a volcano, whenever it bursts. " If you can allow yourself to hold it, have it whenever it comes."
(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)