Sexolve 318: 'I'm Married And I Think My Neighbour Is Trying To Seduce Me'

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer's weekly column on love, sex, and relationships.

(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As are below:

'Hot Man Tried To Seduce Me'

Dear RainbowMan,

There is a man in the locality who look like a real real greek god. He wears hot pants and stands in the balcony. He one day also removed all his clothes and was dancing. His house is clearly seen from my window. He does this every day in the evening. One night he did nude dancing too. In his house only he does, and his windows are closed, But i saw it once and I am excited so I watch with binoculars everyday. I think this guy is doing this on purpose. A little bit about me - I am married with 2 kids. I am in my early 40s. This man could be 20-25. I could be his mother. But he does this to seduce me and I feel wet all over. Sometimes even when my husband is on top of me and we are having sex, seriously, I am thinking of this boy on the opposite window. I am fed up and now I am thinking of speaking to my husband and getting this boy arrested for seducing me. I think it will be easier if I tell my husband and he can get angry and beat that boy up instead of getting him arrested. What should I do?

Sweety, Saamne Wali Khidki

Dear Sweety,

Thank you for writing in and sharing something so personal with me.

I know there are moments in our lives when we feel hopelessly attracted to someone, so much so that it feels like a sin.

It isn’t a sin to fantasise. Your mind is free to think about any man you like. No one can chain your thoughts. Even those who swear by monogamy, should allow themselves to be free to admire other men.

So dont beat yourself up for the fact that you fantasise. Fantasies and restrictions do not go hand in hand. It is normal for women (and other genders) to fantasise about other people in their head when they are sleeping with their significant other. Let me be a little provocative and share that when I am making love to my partner, sometimes I imagine myself with some other guy I fantasise about. Infidelity should not extend to imagination.

Now speaking about the guy in the opposite building - well, did he ever make a direct pass at you? Did he acknowledge your presence when you were watching? Tell me truly, does he even know if you are watching… especially when he is visible from your house only with binoculars, you may or may not be even visible to him from his balcony.

If you are sure that he ‘flashes’ with the intent of outraging your modesty, please do remember to take him to task… but first try and establish that he is actually doing this deliberately.

It would not be a good thing, if this turns out to be an action you are taking because you are afraid of your sexual inclination towards him.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S. Please take care. You are not sinned if you dream about another

'My Partner Is Transgender Sometimes'

Dear RainbowMan,

I will keep this short.

My husband is 45 years of age. He dresses up like a woman sometimes and sometimes wants me to have ‘lesbian sex’ with him where he is dressed as a woman. He wants me to lick his ass and do things that I don't like doing. I am thinking he is having situational transgenderism where he is a transgender sometimes. How can I cure him?

Mrs S, New Delhi

Dear Mrs S,

Thank you so much for writing in. I know sharing this would have taken courage, thank you for trusting me with your query.

I would like to also dive right in to the response to your question.

I havent heard of anything called situational transgenderism. Gender is a fluid concept.

In my honest opinion - There is nothing like a perfect man and a perfect woman, gender is a spectrum… and where your husband stands in the spectrum could be known only to them and to one else.

You can't cure your husband, because there is nothing to cure here.

Some men like dressing in attires that are worn by women. Some do it in private, some do it in public. I am an assigned male at birth who loves dressing in women’s clothes. There is nothing wrong with this.

Gender is a very personal thing. We shouldnt come in the way of the truest expression of the people we love. If we love them, we should be willing to open the cages and setting them free,

You have the right to your desires and your body too. If you dislike the sex when he is dressed as a woman, please express that to your husnand. Just as your husband has the right to be in a gender expression of their choice, you have the right to your desires or the lack of it.

Hugs

RainbowMan

P.S. Be the best version of yourself and encourage your partner to do the same. Lead it with truth.

'My Penis Stinks'

Dear RainbowMan,

My penis stinks, what can I do?

Regards

BoyZone

Dear BoyZone,

Thank you for writing in.

Besides regularly cleaning your penis when you have a bath, here is some regimen you should follow too.

If you are uncircumsised, please pull down your foreskin and clean your penis. There could be white lumps that could have formed, they are called smegma.

While urinating, wait till you are done with the last drop and ensure that there isn’t much of the urine that sticks on your underwear.

Sometimes, trimming or shaving off one’s pubic hair can also help.

There are also some intimate area roll on deodorants that are available in the market.

Please do speak to a skin specialist to understand if the problem is skin related.

Wish you good luck. Thank you for writing to me;.

Smiles

RainbowMan

P.S. Wish you good luck.