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"From teachers to families – everyone talks about sex in a way that they want to scare women from having it. Everyone wants to tell women about the potential consequences of having sex, but it is never spoken as a fun thing," says sex educator Leeza Mangaldas.
In conversation with FIT about her latest publication – 'The Sex Book' – Mangaldas talks about size, masturbation, and why women's pleasure matters.
Does Size Matter?
"I am of the opinion that size does not matter. Neither when it comes to boobs or penis size. I really think the size or shape of any particular body part is far less relevant to the quality of a sexual experience than we imagine," says Mangaldas, adding that she has elaborated through her book on Audible, that things like:
Willingness to prioritise your partner.
Knowledge and understanding of their bodies and desire.
"I feel things like willingness to communicate are the types of things that can really take a sexual experience from average or sub-average, to explosive. Whereas, the size or shape of the body part... If you don't know what to do with it, size isn't going to save the day," she added.
'Stop Presenting Sex as Pain to Women'
It is unfortunate that sex is presented to women as the sight of pain, and shame, and duty, Mangaldas said, on how conversations around women and pleasure revolve./
"You know it is never really presented to us as if it is the sight of pleasure, joy and self-discovery when it absolutely can be. Firstly, pain is just dismissed as part of the experience for women when it isn't. Sex does not at all have to be painful. Unless you are enjoying consensual BDSM."Leeza Mangaldas to FIT
"Often pain during sex is the result of insufficient lubrication, and too much friction. There's so much you can do to levitate that – whether it is: Using a lube
Engaging in foreplay
Communicating what you like
Or simply pausing if it hurts too much
'No Such Thing As Too Much Masturbation'
One misconception that Mangaldas wants to see shattered that 'masturbation is bad for health.'
She says that masturbation is perhaps the safest form of experiencing sexual pleasure, minus the risk of:
Accidental pregnancy
Infections
Risk of rejection
"It is quite an amazing and wonderful outlet we have. It is perfectly healthy and normal. It has several health benefits, including improved sleep and overall well-being. The shame we inherit over masturbation is a little bit misplaced, because we are not spending all our time, the whole day masturbating. But yet, we might feel a lot of shame," Mangaldas said.
"I want to imagine a world where all sexual experiences are consensual, safe and pleasurable. We’d all like to imagine that world. But I think there’s a lot of work before we get there," she added.
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