Pay More Attention: What Adults Need to Do About Sex Ed for Kids

“So what if she says no? I’ll f**k her anyway!”Nobody flinched as he said this, and some sniggered. I was the only girl in this group of 14-year-old high-school friends. It was cool to talk this way. I wasn’t planning on shaming my peers.I attended an elite “international” school in Hyderabad, India. We learned French and Spanish, and traveled abroad for excursions. We could compare Aristotle and Kant. We were perfect – almost. Like most students in India, we didn’t receive sex education in school or at home. Yet, our parents were blissfully proud of their worldly children.Dismal State of Affairs in IndiaIn India, we are bombarded with all-too-frequent incidences of rape, sexual abuse, violence against women, and domestic abuse. There have been countless #MeToo-related headlines every day. We are all disappointed and shocked. But I am not surprised.The state of affairs surrounding sexual health and sexual identity is dismal.34,600More than 34,600 rapes were reported in 2015, and more than 130,000 cases of sexual assault. Statistics about teenage pregnancy rates, prevalence of HIV/AIDS, and the sheer lack of general knowledge are alarming. More than 60 percent of girls in India don’t know what menstruation is until they experience it.Adults aren’t waking up. It isn’t just about sex education. These statistics are symptoms of a wider avoidance to discuss sex and sexuality. The heart of these issues is rooted in how children are left to discover their own versions of what sex means. Without support from adults, kids end up with skewed and unhealthy versions.Also read: Can a 4-Year-Old Sexually Assault a Peer? Experts AnswerI was Finally Ready To Learn When I Got My First PeriodThat same school year, I woke up one morning and didn’t know why I was bleeding. I was too scared to ask my mother, and convinced her I was too unwell to attend school. I waited all day, but it didn’t stop.I eventually approached my mother and finally learned what the female reproductive system does. That day – when I got my first period – apparently indicated I was finally ready to learn.Adults don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. Parents, educators, and policymakers are happy to blame everyone else.Parents are progressive enough to send their children to co-education schools, but actively fight against comprehensive sex education. Teachers shy away from sex education in schools because they think it is unnecessary and would “spoil our culture.” No wonder kids grow up with the wrong ideas.The longer the adults find reasons to resist providing a healthy attitude towards sex and relationships, the worse things will get. The resistance, deep-rooted and pervasive, is leading us to cultural disgrace.Also read: Child Sexual Abuse: How Will Boys Heal If We Don’t Let Them Cry?How Will Adults Wake Up?Some individuals and groups are fighting to correct this. Until everyone converges on a new cultural norm, success stories – like the police outreach program in Mumbai schools, free-sanitary-napkin distribution centers in rural areas, or the stray rebellious teacher who is unafraid to discuss these issues – will remain isolated pockets of temporary change.The civil society organisations and non-governmental organisations that work in this space are essential, but it is still not enough. Adults need to have honest and open conversations about sex at home and in school.Maybe teachers would wake up if they could eavesdrop on the conversations about sex among teenage students at schools.Maybe finding their children watching porn on their smartphones would reveal to parents that their kids have their own dubious sources of answers to questions they can’t ask anyone else.Also read: Shhh... No Condom Ads From 6 am To 10 pm. Kids Are WatchingThe ‘Real India’Generally, people think big cities don’t represent what is happening in “the real India.” They’re right. It is worse elsewhere.My boyfriend is from the outskirts of Mysore, a medium-sized city in India, where he was the only child in his residential neighborhood who spoke English.One day, while playing cricket on the street outside his house with the neighbours’ children, he overheard two of the nine-year-old boys talking about a Bollywood actress. One of them paused, smiled, and announced, “If I ever meet her, I’d rape her.”Conservatives assert that our problems stem from the westernisation of our culture and the negative influences of the media. They argue that we should regulate schools more, curtail access to the internet more selectively, and block children from inappropriate exposure.This won’t work, because you cannot hide sex. These issues should be confronted with healthy and open discourse.Children grow up learning inaccurate and destructive ideas, because they don’t learn better ones from the adults responsible for teaching them. They are going to develop their ideas and attitudes about sex regardless of how and where they gain access to information.We need to wake up and be the ones they can talk to, so that they don’t end up confused and misinformed.(Nikita Taniparti is a Degree Candidate at the Harvard University John F Kennedy School of Government for a Master in Public Administration in International Development. She is from India and is a development economist.)(Breathe In, Breathe Out: Are you finding it tough to breathe polluted air? Join hands with FIT in partnership with #MyRightToBreathe to find a solution to pollution. Send in your suggestions to fit@thequint.com or WhatsApp @ +919999008335)

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Pay More Attention: What Adults Need to Do About Sex Ed for Kids

Maybe adults would wake up if they could eavesdrop on the conversations about sex among kids and teenagers.

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