What Will You Tell Your Kids About #MeToo?

History is being written and you and I are responsible to it.

Years later, what will our history books say about #MeToo? 

(Photo: iStock/Altered by The Quint)

Years from now, when history books are being flipped through with lazy interest, will the #MeToo chapters clinically narrate the events in terms of ‘wins’ and ‘losses’?  If yes, the ‘predator/survivor’ binary will get archived for future generations.

But...

What about the narrative beyond the defining mood? How will they, in the future, know what actually went wrong if the #MeToo movement is summed up as Who-Won-And-Who-Lost in Chapter No. So-And-So of their history books?

“The grey area is really important to talk about because so many of us live in the grey area.”- Tarana Burke, #MeToo Founder

What Will #MeToo’s Legacy Carry Forward?

In order to pave the way ahead, we MUST now look beyond the fury and the enthusiasm for punishment.

This leads to a few important things that must not get lost in the furore:

1) There is absolutely nothing more important right now than to be empathetic and understanding. Men, listen! Don’t ask for a guidebook of DOs and DON’Ts. Women, tell them (at least to the ones ready to listen) your stories whenever possible! Only when they have innumerable grey-area stories in hand, as precautions, will they be more careful in the future.

2) The need to answer this question - How do we want the movement to be remembered? As one that brought forth long-due retribution for all offenders? If yes, how do we figure out the degrees of penalties for the accused/offenders?

For example, it would be unfair to conflate/bundle a range of unacceptable behaviours under ‘sexual abuse’ and mete out the same punishments for all. Right? 

3) This is just the beginning - even now there are women who can’t afford the privilege of calling out their offenders for fear of consequences in the workplace or otherwise.

These are just a few among the many layers that need to be looked into, lest they get lost in the sheer intensity of a collective emotional release.

Here’s the thing: The enormity of the truth of sexual violation has been understood. It is also clear that men’s panic about being accused will not be allowed to overshadow the reverberations of the truth. And it is much needed.

But have we also grasped the importance of individual stories, cloudy experiences, and grey areas that lead to quiet shrugs and weary sighs, but are still an integral part of the #MeToo Movement?

“It is not that simple.’’

“She didn’t really say anything back then or even now, but did my behaviour constitute sexual harassment?’’

“It was a long time back, we were close, and I am not even sure now if the entire thing was consensual.’’

“Did I unknowingly send the wrong signals or am I victim-blaming myself?”

The right answer is, of course, the fact that men need to be pay more godd*mn attention, be more solicitous, and concede that they had this reckoning coming.

But twenty-twenty-five years down the line, when the kids are not too close to the moment of catharsis we are witnessing now, they need to be made aware of the multiple layers and complexities that ensnare the #MeToo Movement.

History Is Writing Itself and We Are Responsible to It

Our kids shouldn’t be handed down a simplistic version of history.  For if they are, we shall only be left with vestiges of the spectacle made of the survivor and the offender, and not an understanding of the patriarchal power structures that have enabled years of misconduct and require collective dismantling.

We owe them more stories, in the public discourse, that can look beyond clear-cut definitions of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, don’t you think?