America’s D-Day: It’s Over. All Hail President Trump... Bigly
It’s D-Day, voting has begun. Americans are going to the polls and no matter who wins, sh*t is going to hit the fan.
After a huge upset, Donald Trump has now become the 45th President of the United States. In a conciliatory acceptance speech, he talked about the need for national unity in a marked departure from his campaign rhetoric.
Heartiest of congratulations, President Trump. And to the rest of America... may the odds be ever in your favour.
It’s All Over, Folks
Trump just clinched the battleground state of Pennsylvania, and is leading in other states with only 6 electoral colleges needed to reach 270. Meaning that short of a miracle, he is the president-elect.
But there is something to laugh about. According to Twitter, Harambe the ill-fated gorilla attracted 5% of the vote... polling higher than Greens candidate Jill Stein.
It was nice knowing you, America. Over and out.
Americans Think the End Is Nigh: #AmericaIsOverParty
It looks like half the American people have thrown in the towel, making #AmericaIsOverParty trend as Trump inches closer and closer to the Presidency.
As Trump Wins Key Swing States, Clinton Supporters Look to Canada?
As Trump blazes through crucial swing states like North Carolina and Florida the unimaginable is happening... Canada’s immigration website has crashed.
We can only assume that this has at least something to do with Clinton supporters desperately trying to escape an increasingly likely Trump victory.
And the despair is spreading. Kunal Nayyar (Rajesh Koothrappali from The Big Bang Theory) just tweeted:
A little light on the horizon for Clinton supporters, she has won Washington state. Perhaps it’s not all over yet? Maybe?
It’s a tight race, with the tally now standing at 232 to 209 according to CNN, and Trump keeping an ever-increasing lead. Nothing to do but wait.
The Electoral Map As it Looks Now
In The Quint’s newsroom, we’ve drawn up a neat map of the red and blue states as they stand right now. There’s a worrying amount of red, enough for some to have labeled this election, “Brexit gone nuclear”. Have a look:
Trump Takes the Lead
Trump has just won the following states:
Missourie, Montana, Louisiana, Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas, both the Dakotas, and a big one, Texas.
In the meantime, Hillary has picked up her own big one, New York – Trump’s hometown, and the state she served as Senator – Connecticut, and New Mexico.
CNN now has Trump leading Clinton 167 to 122.
Republicans Retain Control of the House
In a surprise development, Republicans have retained control of the House of Representatives despite suggestions that the Trump phenomenon would endanger their majority.
Clinton Surges
Hillary Clinton has bagged Illinois, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Delaware, Maryland, District of Columbia and New Jersey in addition to Vermont, to take a slight lead.
Trump has taken Tennessee, Mississippi, Oklahoma and Alabama.
Clinton’s lead over Trump has narrowed from 68 to 48, to now 68 to 66, according to CNN.
Texas, a traditionally strong red state, is currently neck-and-neck in a surprise for Clinton.
Follow our Twitter coverage here:
‘Voting Issues’ Lead to Delays
Voting is being extended in North Carolina and New Hampshire due to some glitches in the voting machines, reports the Los Angeles Times.
New Hampshire and North Carolina are both important battleground states.
Results Trickle In
South Carolina and West Virginia have gone to Trump, as expected, taking the tally to 3-1 in his favour so far, on top of Indiana and Kentucky that he scooped earlier.
Clinton has so far taken only Vermont, Bernie Sanders’ home state.
Quoting a senior advisor of the Trump campaign, CNN News reports “It will take a miracle for us [Trump campaign] to win”, seemingly contradicting the results so far. Granted, it is very early in the day, but the election seems up in the air.
With 30% of the votes in the state counted, Clinton leads 49.5% to 47.7% in the crucial swing state of Florida, according to CNN News.
Alex Jones Might Be a Basket of Deplorables All By Himself
In what may just be the most overtly offensive moment on Twitter during the election coverage, Alex Jones, talk show host and scion of the newly-empowered alt right, retweeted this about Janet Reno. Reno was a former US attorney general appointed by Bill Clinton in 1993, who passed away just two days ago.
Alex Jones and Donald Trump have praised each other in glowing terms on numerous occasions. Trump has been on Jones’ radio talk show while campaigning, and pledged to ‘fight for’ his listeners, while Alex Jones’ and his website InfoWars are staunch Trump supporters.
There’s a Trump Victory Cake... In Typical Fashion, Way Before Actual Victory
Because of course the Trump campaign would start celebrating before having anything to celebrate. We may have reached peak Trump here.
It’s like this election is a garbage fire and the Trump campaign is sprinkling gasoline.
Like a Scene Out of Terminator, Trump Says ‘It’s the Machines’
In an interview with CNN, Trump once again refused to say whether he would concede the election if he loses. Saying that he would have to ‘see reports’ to judge whether there was fraud involved, he added:
This must be like the time he saw ‘reports’ saying the DNC hack was by the Chinese. It’s the rise of the machines, guys.
If Trump loses, it’s almost guaranteed that he will not go quietly.
Who Knew Lindsay Lohan Would Make a Comeback as an Election Pollster?
Lindsay Lohan may not be lighting up the screens of Hollywood anymore, but at least she’s making a difference with polling – Like for Hillary, Retweet for Trump.
With only 272 retweets and a mammoth 3,277 likes, I think it’s pretty clear that Trump is out of the running.
Or, you know, it could be that retweeting takes significantly more effort than ‘liking’...
...But what do I know?
Go ahead and take our own much better poll.
‘They Let Too Many People Vote!’ - Uh, What?
The Trump campaign earlier decided to sue Clark County registrar of voters in Nevada for the heinous crime of – wait for it – keeping polls open three hours past closing time to allow more people (ie: Hispanics) to vote. In what is widely being considered an attempt to continue suppression of minority votes, here’s what the Chairman of the Republican Party in Nevada had to say to his supporters:
The spokesperson for the County though denied the allegation, saying no polling booth’s closing time was extended, they simply allowed people who were already in line to complete their vote.
The Judge was almost comically incredulous, asking Trump’s lawyer:
When Trump’s lawyer attempted to get her to release the names of Nevada poll workers to the public, the judge adopted a tone of disbelief. Personal favourite: “Do ya watch Twitter?”
So that pretty much settles that.
When You Brag to Other Men About Grabbing Women by the Pu**y...
Looks like Donald Trump is feeling a little anxious about this election, sneaking a peek at Melania’s vote at the ballot box. Given that the infamous Trump Tape was recorded when he was newly wed to Melania, and given his casual humiliation of her at the Alfred Smith dinner – where he forced her to stand and receive applause as he poked fun at her plagiarised speech – we can see why he may be jittery.
And clearly, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, because:
Don’t you love social media?
Modi Steals the Election’s Thunder
A lot of political commentators have drawn parallels between Modi and Trump, but our own Modi just pulled a fast one.
With a surgical strike on black money in an address to the nation this evening, Modi has grabbed the attention right back from the riveting US election, announcing that Rs 500 and Rs 1,000 notes will no longer be legal tender.
People have noticed. Doing the rounds on WhatsApp are these perfect summaries:
Modi played the TRUMP card
Poori India HILLARY hai!
And:
US counting votes
India counting notes!
And these triumphant tweets:
Nasty Women Vote!
In one fell swoop, Trump turned what would otherwise be an insult into a badge of honour. Interrupting Clinton during their third and final debate to call her a “nasty woman”, I’m sure he didn’t expect it to catch like wildfire. Since then, women have been tweeting with #nastywoman, turning the term into a catchcry.
Women have been showing up to polling booths in “Nasty Woman” memorabilia, have been seen donning pantsuits while voting in DC, and many have been wearing white (a colour associated with the suffragettes), in solidarity with potentially the first female US President.
Perhaps that’s not surprising, considering Clinton’s favourability rating among women has consistently been significantly higher than Trump’s – even as Trump’s favourability among men has been similarly higher than hers. A map released by Nate Silver (notable economist/statistician analysing elections) in October showed that were only women to vote, Clinton would sweep the election, while the reverse was true if only men voted, handing the victory to Trump.
How Is the Election Affecting the Media? Answer: Hilariously
While the American nation, nay, the world, watches this election with bated breath, there’s a group of people who are particularly engrossed – the media. And they’re not handling it well.
Clinton Campaign Does the Mannequin Challenge a Mile High
What the hell is a mannequin challenge, you ask? Evidently, this new internet craze is about standing stock still while someone takes a video of you... like a bunch of mannequins. Pretty self-explanatory. Here’s the Clinton campaign participating, no points for guessing why. *cough*millenials*cough*
He’s Back
After what is now affectionately known as “Pu**ygate”, Trump’s ratings suffered badly there for a while, with Republicans and Republican women across the board denouncing him. But it seems he’s back up and closing in, almost like bragging about sexual assault isn’t a thing people take seriously anymore.
RealClearPolitics has him currently leading four battleground states (Florida, Ohio, North Carolina and Nevada), even though Clinton is leading in the overall average with 46.8 to Trump’s 43.6.
Getting the ‘Girls’ Out for Hillary
Two women have been arrested at a polling station for staging a topless protest against Trump. In an election filled to the brim with WTF moments, this barely registers as a blip on the radar, but here they are anyway.
Accusations of Screwing Democracy Flying Thick and Fast
So we all know that Trump has been alleging a ‘rigged’ election in favour of ‘Crooked’ Hillary throughout his campaign. But he’s not the only one alleging the other side is fraudulently trying to bag the presidency.
Democrats and courts too have been alleging ramped up voter suppression efforts on the part of the GOP (Grand Old Party).
The epicentre of voter suppression efforts, the North Carolina Republican party has been accused by the US Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit of “target[ing] African Americans with almost surgical precision” in their state ID laws, says an article in Salon.
With the Hispanic voter turnout is at an all-time high, the African American turnout is so far less than it was when Obama was running, according to Vox, meaning that voter suppression could significantly hamper Clinton’s chances.
So if Americans were hoping for a civil election faithful to the will of the people, whether they’re Democrats or Republicans, they’re likely to think they’ve been screwed.
Americans Turn to Humour for Relief
Battered by scandal after scandal this election season, it looks like the American people have slipped into a kind of exhausted delirium. Luckily for us, it’s led to some hilarious tweets.
Chanakya, the Clairvoyant Fish from Chennai
If you thought there was any doubt about who is going to win this election, Chanakya the clairvoyant fish from Chennai has killed it.
Yep, the fish says The Don has it in the bag. Now calm down, Clinton supporters, the predictive fish has been wrong before... even though it did correctly predict the last eight matches in the football World Cup.
Voting has begun, everyone. It’s the big day. Hillary Clinton VS Donald Trump, in what is looking more like a high-profile boxing match than a presidential election.
If you’re not American, this is probably you right now:
Don’t get all schadenfreude about it, this is going to affect us too.
But for now, let’s just follow this mind-blowing election as it unfolds. There’s bound to be controversy, mud-slinging, and oh-sh*t moments... we’ll be keeping you up to date.
(Sources: Salon, Vox, RealClearPolitics, Los Angeles Times)
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