'Jailed For a Crime I Didn't Do': Khalid Saifi and the Cost of Dissent

"I regret not seeing my children grow up, I still hear daughter's voice sometimes in jail," notes Khalid Saifi.

‘Cost of Being Muslim Activist': Jailed in Delhi Riots — The Khalid Saifi Story

(Photo: Vibhushita Singh/The Quint)

Wearing a cream and olive green Kurta-salwar suit, 39 year-old Nargis Saifi glanced at an old photo album in front of her. This album held all her dearest memories of jailed human rights activist Khalid Saifi and their children. An album which shows what their life once was. An album that cannot be recreated since Khalid's incarceration.

Nargis is now the same age at which Khalid was arrested over five years ago by the Delhi police. The concept of time and ageing, responsibilities towards his family weigh heavily on Khalid's mind in jail, he tells The Quint.

"He had told me this line once: 'In my film, you are my hero, and in your film, I'm your villain.' I told him it's nothing like that and that he's our hero, for all of us," Nargis told The Quint, in a voice that has only become stronger with resistance over the years.

Khalid has been languishing in Tihar jail since February 2020 in the Delhi riots 'conspiracy' case (FIR/59) much like Umar Khalid, Gulfisha Fatima, Sharjeel Imam and others. He is also an accused in FIR 101 of 2020 and FIR 44 of 2020 but has been granted bail in both of them.

To take a deeper look into what half a decade of imprisonment has done to Khalid, and the ramifications on his family, The Quint met with Nargis and their children and has exclusively gotten responses from Khalid to some of our questions.

When Nargis sat across me, she covered her face with a mask, barring her eyes. Every time she spoke about Khalid, her eyes shone, the crow's feet around her eyes deepened as she smiled. This time, a little more so.

Khalid was granted 10 days interim bail in August to see his ailing son. Though the reason for his brief visit home was sombre, his visit had made the world of difference to them. "It was like our Eid when he was home," remarked Nargis. The children, wearing a bittersweet smile, nodded their heads in agreement.

'Father & Son Hugged, Cried'

When Khalid was arrested, his sons, Yasa and Taha were 11 and 9 years old and his daughter, Maryam was only 6. They have grown up now, but Khalid could not see them grow.

After being released on interim bail, he directly went from the jail to the hospital to see Taha. For Taha, seeing his father in front of him was half the remedy his ailment needed.

Taha got emotional remembering Khalid's visit, meanwhile Nargis told The Quint:

"Taha, who could not even stand then. I don't know how he jumped out of the bed to hug his father. I think Khalid couldn't understand that he's not a little boy anymore, and has grown even taller than Khalid now. Neither could Khalid control Taha, nor could Taha manage himself. Both father and son hugged each other and cried.

Nargis Saifi to The Quint

When Khalid Saifi met his son in hospital.

(Photo: Accessed by The Quint)

The apple of Khalid's eyes is Maryam, his youngest child, who made several cards and drawings to send to Khalid in jail. Maryam excitedly got signatures from Khalid for her school reports and assignments, she was over the moon when Khalid dropped her to school for the first time.

But when Khalid left, Maryam's emotions took a hit again.

"She went to drop Khalid to the gates of the jail. To meet him at the gate, pick him and then drop him again to the same gate. She is still a child; how much will she be able to handle? Next day, she fell sick. She just said she felt weird and then said nothing. No crying, not even a tear from her eyes," recalled Nargis.

Khalid Saifi cooking with his children.

(Photo: Accessed by The Quint)

When The Quint asked Khalid, he responded to us through Nargis and said:

"I could feel a sense of my family, especially Maryam who fed me with her hands. So, whenever I miss her, I close my eyes and I can feel that she is still feeding me. My mother keeping her hands on my head still feels like somebody is there to protect me, bless me. Her prayers are very important to me," Khalid responded.

Maryam went to say goodbye to Khalid as he went back to jail.

(Photo: Accessed by The Quint)

'In Jail Because He's Muslim'

Since 2020, Khalid Saifi, much like Umar Khalid and others, has seen four Chief Justices of India come and go. But the trial in the conspiracy case hasn't even begun.

"It could be because he's Muslim, educated, has a beard on his face, and he knows how to question and is aware of his own rights. He also knows about other people's rights. So, this is the real reason behind sending and keeping him in jail till now," Nargis told The Quint.

Khalid Saifi used to run a Hajj travel business. Prior to 2018, he had also campaigned for Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) but he found the party's silence on atrocities against minorities unsettling. This made him distance himself from the party.

"Atishi had even visited us and tried to make me convince Khalid to join the party again, but news such as Junaid's lynching were on his mind and he did not want to work for a party that did not work for people," stated Nargis.

Khalid during the time he was associated with AAP. Ex-CM of Delhi Arvind Kejriwal also in the photo.

Khalid Saifi with ex-AAP politican and current BJP leader Kapil Mishra.

Khalid Saifi with AAP leader Manish Sisodia.

In Tihar jail, Khalid has a clear routine. He offers Namaz, reads the Quran and takes a walk whenever possible. His has also been ready some books and novels. But in every breath, he longs for his family. He hears their voices as a stinging reminder of the life he has been deprived of.

When I was home my daughter used to say, 'Abbu ji, suno!' repeatedly. Now while praying in jail, I often hear her voice saying 'Abbu ji, suno. I used to get shocked and turn around. It took me a couple of years to slowly get used to the fact that I am in jail. One of the worst parts about being in jail is that when you are sleeping, you dream about being with your family at home. But when your eyes open, you find yourself in jail.

Khalid Saifi in response to our questions

Letter by Khalid to Maryam when she turned 10 years old.

(Photo: The Quint)

When Khalid was picked up by the Delhi police near Khureji Khas, he had gone to disperse the crowd as tensions escalated during the anti-CAA protests. Weeks later, when he was presented in the court, he came out on a wheelchair with severe injuries, confirming custodial torture.

Khalid's first appearance in Court back in March 2020.

(Photo: Accessed by The Quint)

This is an image that never really left Nargis' mind. It was an ominous reminder that it could happen again. "Being sent to jail is a fear that remains in the mind of every person who starts out as an activist. Now that so much time has passed, despite being innocent. So, the fear has now gone."

Nargis continued, "What else can happen now? UAPA has been invoked against him. What else can you do? And in this (Delhi Riot conspiracy) case, Khalid has faced the maximum torture. And not just any torture, you (police) fractured his hands and legs. You pulled his beard. You pulled his hair. You beat him with sticks and kicked him. When all of this has been done then what kind of fear will even be left?"

Birthday Cards, Letters — How Children Remember Khalid

One of the biggest regrets that Khalid has, is not being present as a father and not being able to see his children grow up.

Khalid stated that he feels he's only in jail for his activism, for raising his voice against the current regime.

"It also worries me: What would my kids think about me? Do they think they have to pay the price for my activism? That they have to live for a long time without a father?" he said.

Since Khalid's bail petitions were rejected, his legal team and arguing counsel Rebecca John are working out the next steps to approach the Supreme Court.

Meanwhile, Khalid's children smiled while talking about the time they spent with him when he came home briefly. For Taha and Yasa, the highlight was being able to go mosque on Friday with their father and to eat 'egg bhurji' cooked by him.

Birthday cards made by Maryam for Khalid Saifi.

(Photo: the Quint)

Maryam stared at the cards she had made for her father in his absence. Khalid got some of these cards back home when he returned on parole and the family was also not able to send some to him. The cards that got left behind serve as a symbolic substitute for his presence.

She picked up one of the cards she drew and painted on. In a mellow tone, her voice choking, she read some lines: "We miss you a lot, please take care of yourself, 'Abbu jaan.' Long live the revolution. We will fight and win."