‘A Lonely Existence, With My Books:’ Sharjeel Imam Writes Back from Prison

"My mother is holding on, hoping that I will be out soon. However, her health is deteriorating," Sharjeel Imam says.

(In an exclusive interview, Sharjeel Imam writes to The Quint from prison)

(Kamran Akhter/The Quint)

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In January this year, Sharjeel Imam, a PhD scholar at the Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU), completed five years behind bars. Meanwhile, his bail plea in the Delhi Riots (larger conspiracy) case has been pending in the Delhi High Court since 2022.

This case, registered under FIR 59 of 2020, books Imam and eighteen others, under the stringent Unlawful Activities (Prevention) Act (UAPA). Since the beginning of his incarceration, much has been discussed about Imam in sections of national and international media.

However, in this exclusive interview, carried out in writing from across the bars that ensnare him at the Tihar Central Jail, the 37-year-old reflects on the passage of time in prison, the books he is reading, the inmates who have made his acquaintance, and the cats he has befriended. This he does, even as he longs to catch up with the world (he is intrigued by the developments in AI tech, and hopes to finish his PhD) and laments his mother's suffering.

Kindly note, this interview has been sparsely edited, in order to allow Imam to tell his story in his own words, and to restore a sense of agency that the society and the state frequently deny its prisoners.

How are you, and how is your health?

It is almost always difficult to accurately describe one’s state in words. In my case it becomes even more difficult because as a student of humanity’s state of affairs and also as a political actor in it, it is impossible to distinguish between the ‘I’ and everything else. To quote Ghalib:

"Qatre meñ dajla dikhai na de aur juz meñ kul

Khel larkon ka hua dīda-e-bīnā na hua."

(If you cannot see the river in the drop and the whole in the parts,

then you are seeing like children and not like a visionary.)

However, as far as my physical well-being is concerned, I am alright, with no major ailments to complain of. The restricted regimen of jail life does lead to certain discomfort but nothing to complain about.

There is a certain loneliness because there are not a lot of people with whom I can discuss the topics and subjects I am most excited about, and this does take its toll over time.

What are you reading these days? What's the last book/paper you enjoyed the most and why?

Like always I am reading multiple books at the same time.

In Islamic Studies, I have read five books by Islamic Scholar Rashid Shaz over the last few months, and I am currently going through the second volume of his work “Idraak-e-zawaal-e-Ummat” (2005), where he challenges the ossified sectarian and legalistic nature of Islamic debates which are, more often than not, based on historical narratives of dubious origins. They are also muddled with the occasional sprinkling of pre-modern myths and legends passed on to us by a mix of gullible, confused or sometimes downright dishonest scholars.

Additionally, Shaz critiques the trend of sanctifying secondary historical texts and narratives while reminding us that historical studies, however helpful they may be, can never represent “eternal or complete truths” and can never override and never be put in the same category as the primary source I.e. the Quranic revelation. He laments the overshadowing of the Quranic message by these debates, thereby leading to the eclipsing of monotheistic and revolutionary religious instinct — with its emphasis on ideals of personal responsibility, justice, equality and above all an attitude of wonder and amazement towards the unknown — especially (the eclipsing) among the “scholarly” classes of most Islamic schools and sects. This phenomenon has, unfortunately, led to the artificial and false division of “sacred” and “secular” (I.e. religious and irreligious) sciences in the opinions and worldviews of most Islamic schools of thought. It is a much-needed work, and I feel that it pushes further ahead along the path laid down by 20th century greats like Iqbal.

In the field of fiction, I just finished ’Snow’ by Orhan Pamuk, and I am currently reading “Forever Rumpole” by John Mortimer. I have enjoyed the Rumpole stories. Rumpole is a barrister and one of the most enjoyable fictional characters that I have encountered in a long time. In poetry, I am going through the three volumes of Akbar Illahabadi right now. My reading in history currently is William Dalrymple’s “From the Holy Mountain” — a travelogue-cum-history book, documenting the lives of Christians of Levant in the 1990s. In science, I have started another book by Max Jammer, fourth one by him in the last 3 years, “Concepts of Space” (1993 edition). And finally in German literature, I finished “Der Tod in Venedig” (Death in Venice) last week.

Have you been able to speak to your family? How are they doing now? What was your last conversation?

I get three calls of five minutes each per week as per court order, and also a 15 minute video call per week. So, a total of 30 minutes. My mother is holding on, hoping that I will be out “soon”. However, her health is deteriorating — and she remains unwell most of the time. She is in her late sixties, and has spent a difficult life of patience and hardship, as is the case with most women. The loss of her husband 11 years ago, and my arrest five years ago made her life even more difficult. I hope I am able to go out and spend more time with her.

Then there is my brother — just two years younger — who will be 35 in April. He has been supporting both my mother and me for five years now. Apart from that, he has been listening to my demands (for books etc.), complaints, and the occasional scolding. Despite requests from everyone, including me, he refuses to marry, saying that he won’t be able to do it unless I am released (and not just on interim bail). I don’t approve of his decision, but I can empathise and try to understand.

Our conversations are typical, we talk about court proceedings, especially my long drawn-out bail hearing in the Delhi High Court (three years and counting). We talk about relatives — who is doing what, who passed away. We talk about political developments, especially in Bihar. We talk about our village, and also the neighbourhood I was raised in, in Patna (Subzibagh), where my mama (uncle) lives.

You have been in jail for a very long time. Do you think the worst is over?

I have started my sixth year in judicial custody. I can’t say whether the worst is over. I mean if you talk just about my bail in this UAPA case, then yeah, five years may seem like enough to get bail and hence make us optimistic about the future.

However, as I noted earlier, the real issue still remains unresolved. If I have given up my career in the corporate world to study history, to seek justice for my community as well as other oppressed people, to fight for democratisation of the Indian polity, to fight for political rights etc. then getting bail doesn’t mean that “the worst is over”. Such an analysis would mean that the fascists have won in scaring us into submission. The worst is over only when the Muslims of India get their proper share in this democratic setup. This struggle, this incarceration, this is not a personal struggle — I am just one representative of a larger phenomena spanning decades — there is a long road ahead.

To quote Majaz:

“bohot mushkil hai duniya ka sanwarna,

teri zulfo ke pech-o-kram nahi hai

mere barbadiyon ka ham-nasheenon tumhe kya,

khud mujhe bhi gham nahi hai”

(It is far too hard to mend this world,

Not as simple as the curls of your hair.

O companions in my ruin,

What do you care—

Even I no longer despair.)

In your hardest moments, what do you remind yourself of?

There are two parts to my answer to this question.

The first is personal — I am responsible in front of God for my personal decisions and deeds. Hence, it is by remembering God and taking account of my own shortcomings, that I keep trying to reinvent myself and seek direction in life. To quote the Quran: “For without doubt, in the remembrance of God, do hearts find satisfaction.” (Quran 13:28).

The other part is related to the issue of injustice meted out to our community since partition. I will give an example — the First Past-the Post (FPTP) system of elections was initiated in 1950 despite opposition from many Muslim members of the constituent assembly who demanded a system of elections with proportional representation.

If we read the statements of Hasrat Mohani (UP), Tajamul Hussain (Bihar) and others in the constituent assembly against FPTP, we will realise that the political exclusion of Muslims was ensured in 1950. Muslims have been marginalised politically since 1950. Post 2014 developments are just further logical developments along the same lines.

I give the example of FPTP to indicate that although all of this research was possible before the internet, a large scale discussion was not possible without the internet. The anti-CAA protests, this incarceration and the internet have provided me with a stage, through which these ideas have reached a larger audience in many South Asian languages. This was impossible without the internet 15 years ago. Hopefully, these discussions will lead to a realisation among Muslims of the hollowness of the claims of “secularism” of the old Congress and the structure it built.

I remind myself that this sacrifice is worth the risk — it may not lead to immediate results, but will eventually make us see through the machinations of secular majoritarianism. I find solace in the hope that struggles like mine eventually lead us to true democratic reforms, In the words of Zaheer Kashmiri:

“hamein hai ilm ki hum hain chiraag-e-aakhir-e-shab,

hamaare baad andhera nahi ujaala hai”

(We are aware that we are lamps burning at the end of the night, what comes after us is not darkness, but morning light.)

Do you feel changed by the experiences in jail?

Being deprived of my liberty, living with inmates and witnessing prison excesses firsthand has obviously had a profound effect on me.

First, it has made me appreciate and value things which I took for granted — family and friends, books and internet, or even Qawwali and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.

Secondly, I am able to trust fellow humans less in general, because of the fact that in jail, hardly anyone speaks truthfully about themselves, and it makes one more skeptical. Jail does bring out the worst side of human nature. On the other hand, it has made me more sensitive towards various forms of injustices and alienations.

My interactions here with mostly poor convicts and undertrials have also enriched my understanding. As I spent time with people of Assam and then Delhi and Haryana in various jails, my horizons have definitely widened, and I am left better equipped for a more comprehensive articulation of the issues I wish to raise.

Another change is that the value of time has been brought into proper perspective. This is a little counterintuitive because one has a lot of free time in prison. But, firstly, five minute-calls with family make you realise the value of five minutes. Secondly, spending five years in jail raises the question — what have I achieved in these five years, which after all are a significant chunk of my life? What have I been able to read and learn? How efficient have I been? Was I more or less efficient when I was outside?

These questions have led to a definite change of attitude towards time itself.

Finally, my understanding of laws, legal procedure and its impact on inmates and larger society has broadened significantly. I have read tens of thousands of pages of legal documents: judgments, orders, petitions, codes, acts, chargesheet etc. I found that my training in Computer Science helped with the algorithmic, logical and syntactic side of law, while my learning in historical studies helped me in exploring and disentangling the semantics. I will have a lot more to say on it when I come out.

Have you made friends in jail? What are they like?

Over the years, I have made many acquaintances, some of them can be called friends as well. But jail is an unstable place, people are released, transferred to other wards or jails, and overnight, you lose someone who had become a part of your daily life.

Besides, the first thing you learn here, as I have already mentioned is not to trust anyone; because almost everyone would say that they are innocent. Many would not even tell you what they are accused of — and that is totally understandable. So it’s difficult to ascertain whether one is frank about one’s guilt/innocence, or motives. In such a context friendships would be rare.

However, there are some who are frank and I do have meaningful conversations with them. Then there are those who were victims of circumstances, it doesn’t absolve them, but one can empathise with them and try to understand their situation.

Besides, a lot of inmates, hundreds so far, come to me with their chargesheets etc. I read chargesheets and judgments on a daily basis and discuss them with the inmates. It has made me aware of a lot of details about these cases and inmates, and I honour their trust by being silent.

There are always a few political prisoners here as well with whom I get to talk once in a while. I enjoy these conversations the most.

I have two cats living with me in my cell. A three-year-old male cat Chhotu and a two-year-old Lisa. Lisa’s twin Max fell ill and had to be sent outside to a family last week. All three have lived with me since their birth when their mother brought them to me. Two of them are still with me. Chhotu, especially, is my best friend here. I hope to bring them along when I am released.

Apart from that it’s a lonely existence, with my books.

What do you do in your free time?

I read for almost 4-5 hours every day — sometimes more than that. I get around five English newspapers, two Urdu ones, one Hindi and a Bangla monthly magazine. Almost a couple of hours are spent in reading these everyday. Rest of the time is for reading books.

I watch TV for an hour or two everyday, especially the news and some English TV shows (recently, I’ve been watching House of Cards) and movies. Then there are qawwali and ghazal programs on DD Urdu. Besides, the TV has a radio as well. I love listening to Music in the background as I read or think or walk in the cell. I especially enjoy ghazals, old Bollywood and old Rock. But sadly there is hardly any Nusrat on the radio.

There’s a mosque in the ward, and we have at least two congregations in a day - asr and maghrib (afternoon and dusk). I spend some time in the mosque everyday. All remaining prayers are in the cell. As for physical activity, I either play badminton or walk in the ward for an hour. I play chess regularly as well.

What are you looking forward to most once you come out?

That is a difficult question to answer. On the personal front I am looking forward to spending time with my mother and brother.

As a student of computer science, I am excited about developments in AI tech. I look forward to learning more about them. As a student of modern history, I realise that a lot of history writing can be expedited through AI, because a very large amount of primary data exists in digital format, or can easily digitised — especially for modern history.

I also look forward to finishing my thesis on ‘cow slaughter and communal conflict’ which was taking final shape when I was sent to jail. But most of all, I am looking forward to a life of learning and struggles, which Insha Allah will be very rewarding. In the beautiful words of Majaz:

“utthenge abhi aur bhi toofan mere dil se

dekhoonga ab ishq ke khwaab aur zyaada”

(Even greater storms shall rise from my heart,

Now I shall dream of love even more.)

(Mekhala Saran is an independent journalist and researcher. She was formerly The Quint’s principal legal correspondent.)