QSatire | Rahul Yadav Wants a Girlfriend: We Decided to Play Cupid
Former CEO of Housing.com Rahul Yadav is homeless, jobless and desperate for a girlfriend.
Once upon a time, the former CEO of Housing.com had the three essentials – Roti Kapda Aur Makaan. Thankfully today – despite having been publicly stripped of dignity, job and much else – he still retains the Kapda. We unfortunately cannot say the same for Roti (he just got fired) OR Makaan (pictures of his apartment which he claimed he couldn’t afford anymore went viral yesterday).
Clearly, these are desperate times for the former CEO. But if the loud, brash, outspoken Yadav has proven anything over the past few weeks, it’s that he doesn’t take anything lying down – aka, doesn’t give his detractors any time to breathe! He’s at it again – this time soliciting a girlfriend on Facebook.
Yes, obnoxious as it sounds, that’s exactly what Rahul Yadav has thought his next move should be.
We wondered – who would actually like to date the jobless, brash Mr Rahul Yadav?
Rakhi Sawant - Rahul Ka Swayamwar
Who better than Rakhi Sawant? Sawant, as you will recall, went on a disturbing reality show called Rakhi Ka Swayamwar to look for a suitable match for herself. And what of Mr Yadav? He isn’t too far off – scouting his perfect match on a social networking site! Clearly, ‘great minds think alike’. The two should hook up.
Poonam Pandey - U-Turn Queen
Rahul Yadav’s surprising U-turn (when he took back his resignation) earned him quite the trolling on social media. We have now found him the perfect match. Poonam Pandey, who had promised to bare all if India won the World Cup and then didn’t, is the queen of U-turns! That’s not all. Poonam like Rahul, is also media-hungry and attention starved. She never ceases to surprise us with her ridiculous tweets and over-exposed videos (We’re still trying to get over #PoonamPandeyStyleYoga).
Sadhvi Prachi - Inner Peace!
Sadhvi Prachi and Rahul Yadav? But they’re chalk and cheese, you’d think. Not quite – and here’s proof. Charitable Yadav gave away his personal shares – worth around Rs 150-200 crore – to the 2,251 employees of the company, the housing portal said in a statement. Rahul’s own words? “I’m just 26 and it’s too early in life to get serious about money, etc.” Aah, profound thoughts, these. This makes him sound a lot like Sadhviji. Both love to blabber and believe in the art of cheap talk.
Kalki Koechlin - Beauty and The Beast
Kalki’s probably going to curse The Quint a billion times over for dropping her name in the swayamwar pot. We’re sorry, Kalki! But let us explain – Rahul Yadav needs a smart, sensible and intelligent woman in his life – and you are all of those things. In fact, you’ll probably be able to curb his verbal diarrhoea. Think about it, perhaps?
Ranveer Singh - Bros For Life?
Are you confused? Don’t be. We can’t help but think how easily Rahul Yadav could replace Ranveer Singh’s better half. Before you let your imaginations run wild, however, we aren’t talking about the sexy Deepika Padukone here – but his cinematic partner, Arjun Kapoor. Both Rahul Yadav and Ranveer Singh are bundles of battery-powered energy that simply refuse to defuse. Always up to some idiotic act, the two are cheerfully trolled on social media. Remember Koffee with Karan, IIFA Awards 2015 and the unforgettable and controversial Roast. There’s so much opportunity to roast Rahul Yadav here, it’s not even funny.
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