#NoShaveNovember is an initiative not just to ensure that all males sport well-groomed tresses down their chin with a if-looks-could-kill appearance. In fact it came about as an initiative to create awareness on cancer in men. It seems like a good opportunity to speak about male sexual health. And the conversation on male sexual health cannot be complete without discussing Mr Penis.
Now, the presence of a penis classifies a person as male, but boys are rarely told what their dangling bits are called.
A penis is a penis is a penis. At maturity, human females menstruate, human males spermeate.
Most boys are puzzled and wonder why they dream the way they dream and mistakenly wonder why they have this sticky thing oozing out of their penis. There is embarrassment because of the stains in the underwear and the foul smell, but they have no one to speak to about the going-ons with their little friend.
Also, the taboo around discussing sex somehow permeates into a child’s mind, making him embarrassed about his sexual feelings.
I have answered more than 200 queries in the sexolve column, most involve the penis in some way or the other.
My professor told me, “To address the issue we need to undress the issue.”
Here is an attempt at decoding the mystery of Mr Penis.
I make no unintended references to any filmstar. So don’t pass that buck to me. Chhota Bhai is common slang used for the penis in Hindi. Some take it way too literally. (In fact there are some jokes that I have grown up with: “How to insult a man? Ans: When you are ‘at it’, just ask him “is it in yet?”).
Straight men too brag about their own Mr Penis. And say things like “he must have a small one” to insult fellow men. It’s true that while some people are obsessed with penis size, there are some others who are genuinely concerned about their “performance” in bed.
Markus MacGill’s seemingly well-referenced piece suggests that the average size of the flaccid penis could be as low as 3.5 inches when flaccid. However, it is also true that penis sizes vary from country to country.
Still, if one thinks that their Chhota Bhai is way too chhota, they should visit the doctor for a check-up.
PS: Just because one has a big penis, doesn’t mean he sexually satisfies his partner.
Males have balls. A little injury to your testicles could lead to a lot of pain. There is a reason why cricketers wear a crotch guard.
Testicles are the sperm factory of a man’s body.
Though there are more factors that determine sperm production and potency, one can say that in an ideal scenario, healthy testicles will help you with a decent production of sperm.
This is yet another high school boys joke – The law of motion: forward and backward motion, gives a white lotion.
One needs to do so only when sexually excited and not make jerking an obsessive hobby. Addiction of any kind is bad.
Penal hygiene is deeply neglected.
Also after peeing, there is a need to wash your penis. It may not be always possible as urinals don’t generally come with faucets, however, one should ensure that the penis is also washed dutifully every time during a bath.
You need the sperm to enter the vagina if you intend to have a baby through the natural process. However, one needs to ensure that they use contraception on every other conceivable occasion.
I am jargonising it so that this doesn’t become a discourse on intercourse.
Condom also protects you from several sexually transmitted diseases, if not all.
One needs to keep Mr Penis in check so that he is not dangling around in the pant. Give him the comfort of being controlled by wearing an underwear.
Arrest the penis in an underwear. It is good for the penis too.
The idea of masculinity sometimes is equally proportionate to patriarchy. And it is true that patriarchy is not restricted to just males. It is porous and percolates to other genders.
Words have consequences. And words create imagination. Imagination creates an image.
In fact, such words have become so common place that we tend to not remember the real action of these phrases. Well, it’s not that one should not swear, not taking an overtly moralistic stance here, but one should be aware of the occasion, the premise and the imagination it could create depending on the audience.
This #NoShaveNovember remember to educate your bhai-friends and boyfriends about male sexual health. Not that we need to be way too obsessively anal about it, but penal health is a concern.
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals. ‘Rainbow Man’ is Harish’s regular blog for The Quint.)
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