Why Should We Trim a Big Fat Indian Wedding Because of an MP?

The big fat Indian wedding has now become a part of our DNA, all thanks to Karan Johar and Sooraj Barjatya.

Well, thank God Yuvraj Singh and Hazel Keech that you guys got married last year. Your shaadi marathon, starting from Punjab to Delhi via Goa, would have hit a dead end if the Marriages (Compulsory Registration and Prevention of Wasteful Expenditure) Bill, 2016, would have been introduced and passed last year.

You would also have had to slash your ‘Page 3’ guest list for that lavish, star-studded wedding of yours, and settle for a lesser-pomp-and-show event.

Cricketer @virat.kohli & actress @anushkasharma with the newly weds @yuvisofficial & @hazelkeechofficial #YHPL #BazaarBrideAtYuvrajHazel #BazaarBrideIn @nupurmehta18

A post shared by Harper's Bazaar Bride, India (@bazaarbridein) on Dec 2, 2016 at 5:34am PST

Ranjeet Ranjan, a Congress MP – who rides a Harley, by the way – has introduced a bill in the Lok Sabha to trim down the ‘big fat Indian wedding’.

The bill not only seeks to put a limit on the number of guests invited and the dishes to be served, but also wants those spending above Rs 5 lakh to contribute 10 percent towards marriages of poor girls.

Somebody please tell Ranjan Ji that her pseudo-charitable act is not an original thought, but a replica of a bill introduced by Akhilesh Das Gupta in the Rajya Sabha in 2011. In fact, six such bills have been introduced by various members of the Parliament in the last 20 years. But none of these bills were passed, as reported by Factly.

Thank God!

But if the bill IS ever passed, we would be angry, hold prime-time TV debates, write op-eds, but eventually give in and agree to its terms and conditions. Simply ’cuz we’re conditioned that way. Just like we did when the government turned into our financial planner (by introducing demonetisation), and also tried to control what we watch and speak.

Why should we let the government put a cap on anyone’s wedding celebrations? How is it even fair? It’s like the cliché, miyan biwi raazi (the families), toh kya karega qaazi (the government).

Ranjan madam, a wedding costing less than Rs 5 lakh happens only in Timbuktu, not in the India we live. Your own colleagues throw lavish weddings. You would surely remember the Rs-500-crore wedding of former Karnataka minister Janardhana Reddy’s daughter? So, why stop us?

It would be great if you could first make politicians and businessmen to host economical weddings – you know, those without Shah Rukh Khan performing on stage, without multi-cuisine food counters, fresh flowers from Holland for the mandap and the bride dolled up in Rs 50-crore jewellery.

It’s easier said than done. The big fat Indian wedding has now become part of our DNA, all thanks to Karan Johar and Sooraj Barjatya.

So, for those with lavish Bollywood shaadis branded in their minds, a ‘simple’ wedding would most definitely not cost less than Rs 5 lakh. Good wedding jewellery would be no less than Rs 10 lakh. And don’t forget the expensive making charges, which differs from jeweller to jeweller. Then comes the venue with the shaadi decorations that would cost between Rs 10 to 15 lakh or maybe even more. Aur daru toh banti hai! Toh bhai, paanch lakh gaya ghaas charne.

Nowadays, Indian weddings also have an uninvited guest – the Indian sarkaar, in the form of taxes that we pay for every purchase we make.

Toh Ranjan ji, I hope you understand that all we are saying is this bill is the khalnayak of Indian weddings. And if you still didn’t get it, then we would like to wait and watch, and see how successful you are in getting your children married in less than Rs 5 lakh. Oh, and let’s not forget the restricted guest list and dishes too.