You unlock your phone, still dreary eyed, and see just three unread messages on WhatsApp. They are ‘good morning’ messages, with pictures of a butterfly, and a rose. There is an ‘inspirational’ quote on one of the messages.
You see them with disinterest bordering on irritation, and put down the phone. No one else in the group has bothered to reply or acknowledge, and neither do you. The three people who sent those messages probably don’t expect any courtesy responses either. They must have block sent those ‘good morning’ messages to everyone on their WhatsApp contacts list. No one would like to receive 200 pings in return!
A dear friend follows a simple policy – as I am sure lots of us do – DO NOT respond to forwards. They are lazy messages – PR driven – with zero interest or intention that the recipient’s morning be a ‘good’ one.
What are your WhatsApp settings? Do you allow others to see when you last logged in? Do you allow others to see that you have read their messages? Have you allowed the blue-tick to appear when you have read their messages?
Should there be an etiquette for WhatsApp? Is it polite to hide the fact that you have read someone’s message by not allowing the blue tick to appear, just because you do not want to respond to it? On the other hand, is it even okay for WhatsApp to allow this feature to exist? After all, why should the sender know that the recipient has read the message, and how long ago?
Arguments can be made for both sides.
If someone is talking to you – sitting across you, or even on a phone – they assume that you are listening, unless they know that you have a tendency to get lost in your own world. You respond, by words, or sounds, or gestures – which reassures the person talking to you, that you are listening indeed.
If you are a WhatsApp user, then it is important to acknowledge the sender’s message similarly. Those who have the blue-tick enabled are not afraid to share the fact that you have indeed read their message. The blue-tick in itself is just an acknowledgement, mind you – but thereafter it is plain and simply rude to not reply (within a reasonable amount of time).
And then there are other states (settings). You don’t allow others to see when you were last online, but you have enabled the blue-tick. Therefore, the person in the room knows that you switched-off at some point in time when they were talking, but you switched back on at some point, and did the needful.
On WhatsApp, your friend will know that you heard their message, but they can’t be sure about when you did that exactly.
You share a link to an article that has caught your attention – it’s about how increased carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere are having an impact on the nutritional value of crops. It affects everyone (or so you think!). You tag a guy in the school group, whose father was an agricultural scientist and who grew up in PUSA.
It’s a 5,000-word long read, written like a story. You know, non-fiction writing at its best, internationally reputed magazine, the kind of piece that the Pulitzers consider, etc, etc. You want a perspective on it – what did others think? Are there climate change deniers in the group? Is there ground for worry? Does it interest the others as much as it interests you?
A few hours later, you are on your way to work. You have taken the local, and once you have managed to get a place to stand on one leg, you somehow manage to reach your pocket and take your phone out.
Everyone else is already staring into their phone screens. Candy crush saga, stock market tips, the latest pirated Bollywood blockbuster (that you have already spent 2,000 bucks on over the weekend), semi-porn, comedy shows, news clips, funny videos, and the occasional geek with the Kindle app surround you. There is the guy talking loudly on the phone with his client – sir-ing him, yes-ing him, placating him. The card players, of course, are always there.
The group of men who have made it an art to grab the same seats every single day, while you try desperately to ensure just to get a foothold. Two coaches ahead, the Dabbawalas are playing their cymbals and chanting their morning bhajans. It all was so quaint when you first encountered it.
Let’ admit that the lilt of the bhajans from that distance still sounds okay, but just about. You would much rather travel in relative quiet, you know.
Coming back to the phone – the botanist has read your message almost two hours back, but has chosen not to respond. Maybe he hasn’t read it. No one else, of course, was expected to reply.
A message with 200 emojis, and 10 different jokes on marriage has arrived, and has received perfectly predictable replies – ‘kya baat’ (wow!), ‘ha ha ha’, ‘aaj iska biwi se jhagda hua hai (his wife must have nagged him today),’ ‘bhen***d’ (a**hole),’ etc, etc. You also smile on one of the 10 jokes – yes, you read them, what else will you do standing on one leg in a crowded train compartment, read Campbell’s ‘Hero with a Thousand Faces’ on your Kindle? Sorry, no – that level of geek concentration still eludes you.
Then you check the other messages – there’s one from your daughter asking you to get some stationery on your way back. A friend from the armed forces has sent the video of a new-age guru extolling about why standing for the national anthem is part of spiritual healing.
Chatter, communication, conversation – don’t know exactly what is going on. Ideological positions and intellectual mulling aside, can there be an etiquette to WhatsApp?
(The author is a content consultant in an upcoming GEC show with over two decades of experience straddling news, sports and entertainment as a TV media professional.)
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